When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

No, I didn't write that. I don't think I'm that talented to think of something as beautiful as that. Nadz can though. Natalie's the one who wrote it. So, everyone give it up for Nadz! *beats everyone till they clap so much their hands bleed*

Anyways... mom and I got into it again last night. It was after young women's, and one my girls... well, she's been hurting for a friend since she moved her from Colorado a couple of months ago. So... I checked in with her 'rents, checked in with my mom, and we went for a walk. Mom pulls up five minutes later, "Get your ass in this car!"

I was taken aback, to say the least. "...What?"

"Are you deaf? Or just stupid? I said get in the car!"

"...Um... why? You said we could go for a walk!"

"It's 8:50 and going to be dark soon. Get in this car!"

"No, I won't mom!"

(Get's out of the car and comes around towards me. I step defensively in front of Kat who cowers behind me and whimpers, poor girl...) "I said... get-in-this-car..."

"...And I said no. I can handle myself after dar-*resounding smack*"

"Get in the car."

"I can handle myself! I'm fiftee-*resounding slap*"

"-get-in-the-car-"

"No. I'm going for a walk with my friend. You gave me permission, I am fifteen years old and can handle myself after dark! *blocks*"

"I AM YOUR MOTHER! YOU -WILL- LISTEN TO ME!!!!! *proceeds to attempt to beat me senseless*"

"*Blocks and whispers to Kat* ...on the count of three, we run."

1.... 2.... 3!

We ran for our lives. Mom got in her car and drove home. We got about two blocks away and Kat just broke down crying. ...I HATE THIS! MY MOM RUINS EVERYTHING!

[Edit: What actually happened was quite similar to this, minus my mother slapping me. She did get out though, and tried to force me in. I don't remember much else though. Suppressed much?]

You know... sometimes I wonder what I did in some past life to deserve this... I wonder sometimes why the hell I go through this... Does God hate me? Or does he just now like the way that I act? Is it something I did? I don't understand why he put me here... with... with... that bitch! I hate this! I hate this -so much-!!!!!!!!

*takes a shuddering breath*

And now... I have to work at the shack... five hours of being alone... just what I want... 12-5 today.... I have the next two days off though... which means my room can get done, and Koo can be played with... I can recover a bit...

I just realized something. Please. Whoever ends up reading this, please, oh God please.... don't call anyone. Don't tell anyone. I let it loose here... because I have to tell -someone-. I have to get these things out or... or I bleed... and I bleed enough without my own assistence... Please... don't tell anyone! I swear! Please!

*sighs* maybe it's not such a good idea posting these things here... I don't need help. My mom loves me... she's just... misguided... She doesn't know what it's like to have a mom, one that loves and cares... she had an abusive mom too... Which is why I can't be a mom. Because I know that unconciously I'll carry on the cycle. And I couldn't put my own children through this... So... yeah. I can handle it. She loves me, she does! She's just lost, that's all... so very lost... She's stressed too... she's just a kid... I love her... so... don't take her from me. Please don't tell anyone of this... Please...

~A concerned Alisa

[Edit: My mother really was like this.]