When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

Fathers day? I barely have a mother... Let ALONE a father... Lets jst say I have never handled this day very well... I have a man who would quicker own me than love me...

I COULD tell you how while I was out there... the things he did to me... But I won't. Because he might somehow come acrost this. Or worse. YOU might.

Found this on Ari's blog. THought I'd give it a try. Not that she'll read it, or anyone else... No one ever does..

[x] they call me: Alisa, Ruki, Stupid, Lazy...
[x] sex: Female
[x] my first breath of air: July 23, 89 and I STILL curse that day...
[x] age: 14
[x] status: Single, and not interested.
[x] nationality: American, but... who knows, considering my background.

_______REWIND_______

[x] most memorable memory: girl's camp... every year holds so much meaning, and so many memories... Of course, if anyone else holds any, I can garuntee my name nor my face is held within them. That, or Seaside.
[x] worst: the day I was born, and every hour after that.
[x] first word uttered: windmill. how freakin' exciting is that. I can say windmill.
[x] first friend ever: My grandfather, God Rest.

_______FAST FORWARD_______

[x] College: Most likely Rogue River Community College.
[x] occupation: Hopefully? As an actress. Realisticly? Working for the Bank of New York.
[x] car: Dodge Ram 4x4, and a Mustang. However, I'll probably be driving a lump of rust.
[x] future resident of: LA, NY, Chicago... take your pick.
[x] wedding: Chrissy's, to a man she loves and loves her.
[x] children: However many of Chrissy's that'll tolerate me.
[x] looking forward to: Acting, (Though THAT'LL never happen...) Seeing my Jonesy and Kaylee again...
[x] NOT looking forward to: Living.

_______PLAY______

[x] feeling: like I've been damned to this earth for the mere amusement of a higher power.
[x] Listening: Bette Midler's "Oh Industry"
[x] Talking to: No one but the shadows of my mind.
[x] doing: hating life.
[x] thinking of: Natalie
[x] craving: Company
[x] missing: Natalie, Kaylee, Jonesy... My Bitbit...
[x] hating: myself, and God, for putting me here.

_______FAVORITES_______

[x] song: "Numb" Linkin Park
[x] radio station: 96.1
[x] tv show: Like I watch TV...
[x] channel: again, like I watch TV
[x] store: Pac Sun, Anchor Blue
[x] mall: Provo Towne Center
[x] hang out spot: My computer...
[x] actor: Robin Williams
[x] actress: Lindsey Lohan, Bette Midler
[x] food: Chillario
[x] book: Dragons of Autumn Twilight

_______LOVE_______

[x] love is: hell
[x] best love song: "I Hate Everything About Yo" Three days grace
[x] is it possible to be in love more than one person @ the same time?: hai
[x] when love hurts, you: bury your heart till the feelings dissapate
[x] true or false: all you need is love: Hai, if yoy plan on dying
[x] is there such thing as love @ first sight: if you believe in such things...

________PICKY PICKY_______

[x] dog or cat : Rat
[x] short or long hair: short
[x] innie or outie: innie
[x] sunshine or rain: rain
[x] moon or sun: Moon
[x] basketball or football: soccer
[x] righty or lefty: ambidextrious
[x] hugs or kisses: neither
x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: best friend
[x] tv or radio: radio
[x] starbucks or jamba juice: dutch brothers
[x] mc donalds or burger king: Taco bell
[x] summer or winter: Winter, like my soul
[x] written letters or e-mails: IM
[x] playstation or nintendo: PS2
[x] disney or nickelodeon: If I can act with them, then either one
[x] car or motorcycle: bullet bike
[x] house party or club: Club
[x] sing or dance: dance
[x] freak or slow dance: freak
[x] yahoo messenger or aim: MSN!!!
[x] google or ask jeeves?: google

_______MISCELLANOUS_______

[x] can you swim?: hai
[x] whats under your bed?: whats left of my bed frame
[x] what are you scared of?: failing in my task
[x] what is your greatest accomplishment?: I haven't accomplished it yet... dumb people always getting in my way, interfereing... taking me to the doctors....
[x] what kinda roof is over your head?: an unstable one
[x] do you like tomatoes?: no
[x] internet connection: 56 K
[x] how many TVs in the house?: 2
[x] how many phones?: 2 cell phones
[x] how many residents?: 2
[x] how many DVDs do you have?: 7
[x] last dentist visit: can't remeber
[x] last doctor visit: two... three years ago?
[x] last phone call: Kaylee *huggles*
[x] last IM: JONESY!!!

Bye bye guys...

[Edit: Holy crap I was angsty! o.O]