Dominant personality trait: Evil

Dominant color: Black

Fictional Vampire Examples: Dracula ('Dracula
2000'), Nosferatu ('Nosferatu')

Curious to see how you would fare as a creature of
the night? Come this way...


Vampire Classification Quiz (w/ Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Alright, Alisa's an idiot. I singed off part of my eyebrow yesterday, just being the dumb personage I am. *slaps her forehead* Yeah, I was putting some perfume on a Q-tip, next to the stove where my mom was cooking. She starts to light it... (One of those fire ones, you know the things.) and my Q-tip goes up in flames. Right next to my face. So like, almost half of my eyebrow is gone... dumb thing...

Anyways. I've been listening to video game music for the past four days straight. Like, Mario64, MarioKart64, Zelda:Ocrina of Time, and a little bit of Crash Bandicoot. I couldn't find any Spyro, which was my original target. Ironic? Yesh, very much so.

I found out the dates of when I'm hitting up Oregon. Nope, not posting them here, in case any of those LOSER OREGONIANS *wink wink* decide to show up here. Two weeks of ultimate paradise though... I'm so excited. I'm gonna be there for their Homecoming dance, but, due to the fact that it's going to take all of my money to get me there... no dress for me. I'm thinking... black suit, and black silk tie. Yup. No stinkin' dress for me.

Anyways. I'm hella outtie, yO. *snerk* (you gotta watch MortisLand to know that one...)

This Blog Brought To You By!: Ari, for calling me the next her, when I'm a Junior. Chrissy, for making me laugh when boxes move. Keira, for being so freakin' cool. Deirdra... just cause she's Deirdra and I love her to death. And the good people down at Make It Work Cause We're Losers! inc.!

~Alisa

So I was in Algebra II with Ari (as usual) and we start talking about our lives, due to the fact that she let me read this story of her's (that was AWESOME, by the way) Ok, so it was a bit romantic and really mushy, but hey, what else can you expect from a typical boy-cra-er.... I mean, Cole-crazy Junior? Yeah, Romance and shtuff, it works for her. Keira+boy-craziness=Just Fine. Chrissy+Boys=Really cute flirting. Ari+Bo-er... Cole=Romance, that works for them. Alisa+AnythingMale=Dangerous spouts of violence and random blood shed. See? It just doesn't work for me.

Oh well. I wouldn't give up my sitcom-like life for anything. I mean, sure, romance would be nice... I wouldn't mind leaning into a guy every day at lunch and letting him just hold me... whisper sweet-nothings into my ear from time to time just so he can get a kick out of the shivers that his breath on my ear sends down my spine... Er, -ahem-. But that's ok. Not gonna happen over here in AlisaLand. So, we're cool with just making people laugh. Besides, if I didn't singe off half my eyebrow, or have milk chugging contests with Jon at lunch, or make fun of preppys and their *shudders* make-up, who would? Nope, I gotta job to do, so I plan on stickin' with it!

Not that anyone would really notice if I were gone anyways... I tend to fade into the shadows like that. *shrugs* Ah well. The dangers of wearing black all the time.

Well, enough depressing/funny blogging for one day. I'm hella outie, yO. *snerk* Here, I'll give you the link to that one... so you guys can all get what I'm talking about.

http://www.mortisland.com/FFFight.htm

Go there, watch it till the end. I promise it's worth it! Go FF! Go Black Mage! You ownz!

This Blog Brought To You By!: Ari, for showing me what laughter is meant to do for people. Chrissy, for never losing her flirting abilities. Keira, for being so darn cute all the time, and always smiling. And Koo Bear, for running into closed gates and inspiring me to new heights of stupidity.

~Alisa

BLERGH!!!! *comes up out of the ground with dirt streaming off of her, green goo coming out of her head, and a glowing pink dribble drooling from her mouth*

Ok, not really, but I felt like that this morning... it was kind of creepy. Remind me to never sleep while chewing bubblicious again. XP

Anyways. Life over here in... um... I think I'll call it, um... The Villagette, yeah, that sounds good. Life over here in The Villagette is not too shabby. I went out and bought a freakin' two hundred dollar calculator (Which, by the way, has Excel but I can't get it to divide...) and a new book. Good book. It's the Annotated version of the book that got me into fantasy in the first place. ^^ I worship this book!

Yeah, um... Not much else happening here. We established at lunch that I'm the next Anti-Christ though... ^^ We're all waiting for my satanic powers to manifest. (And no, apperantly my ability to remember random, dumb things is not one of them, dammit.)

...TiMMy!

Anyways, I think I'll be goin' now. I'm hella outtie, yO. (Go to blog previous this to understand where that came from.)

This blog brought to you by!: Ari, for um... not talking to me today, I guess. Naw, that's not right... Dammit! I can't seem to get any of this right tonight! All right, let's try this again...

This Blog Brought To You By!: Ari, For just being there. Chrissy, for keeping me up to earth, instead of down to hell. ^^ Keira, I swear babes, things get better. They always do, if you're willing to work for it! Jacque, God Rest lil' dude. Koo, for being dirty and giving me a mess to clean up. And to the good people down at Jack @$$ Studios!

~Alisa

[Edit: No idea wtf this was. Don't ask.]

Well, Ari returned the hoodie to me today. Not personally. Naw, I picked it up from the bottom of her locker... where I think it sat the entire time, since the day I gave it to her. What does it matter though? Who cares? It's fine... I'll take it back to Pac Sun tommorow and get my fifty bucks back... No big deal. I'll take that money and put it towards... Um... Oregon. Yeah... I'll put it somewhere that it can be useful...

Not that I care. I shouldn't. According to her story, it's not her fault, it's her parents. However... the fact that the tags are still on the hoodie, the fact that it smells just like it did when I gave it to her, which means she didn't take it with her to the concert, and the fact that the sincerity her voice portrays does not reflect what her eyes say... Bah. What does it matter. If I were her, I would have done the same thing, I suppose.

*sighs* Have you ever just wanted to make it all go away? Just... I don't know... Right now, I just want to go to the top of the tallest building I can find... and stand at the ledge. Stand there for hours and hours, talking to God, telling him that I'm sorry, talking to everyone... telling them how sorry I am. And then, once I feel at peace... jump. Feel the wind whipping my hair around my face, feel it cool the tears and rip them from my face, and then, right before I hit the ground... smile. The first real smile since Oregon. And just feel at peace, and then I could die. I would die happy... Kami, how badly I want to jump off right now... It would make things so much easier, everything and everyone... would be happier without me. I don't care what you say. It's true. Nothing you can say will ever change the fact that I know that I'm not wanted here. Go ahead, lie to me. Lie to me, to yourself, to the world. I'm not wanted. Don't worry though... I'll be gone soon enough... only a year longer, and then I can graduate... Just ignore me until then. I will go away.

No dedication today. Nothing. Nada. Instead, the song that's keeping me alive.

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,

The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're The flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.

Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...

Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand...

*bites her lip and tries to ignore the tears streaming down her face*

~Alisa

[Edit: That song really did save my life and kept me alive for a good month or so.]

Yeah, so guess who just got back from being on her feet for over twelve hours straight, making over 180 pints of plum jam? Yup, you're looking at the idiot. *sighs* Yes well... I thought about the whole Ari-Hoodie thing, and I figured out why I was so mad. It wasn't the fact that she "couldn't" keep the hoodie. It wasn't the fact that she didn't wear it to the concert. And if it had been her parents that said that, I wouldn't be mad at her, because parents are weird like that.

Nay, it is none of the above. It's the fact that she lied to me about it. I was so... FURIOUS that she could even think me to be that stupid. Like I couldn't put two and two together... The fact that she lied to me, is what hurts the most. The fact that I trusted her with everything, no matter what it was, I suppose, back lashed. I should be used to this by now... If she had just said "Alisa, I don't like the hoodie." Or "Alisa, you buying me this hoodie makes me uncomfortable." Or "Alisa, I don't think I like the idea of you buying me expensive things." I could handle it. She would have been honest, straight foward, but above all... truthful about the damn thing, I would have understood. I would have been a bit miffed, and little tiny bit hurt, but I would have gone home, thought about it, and been done with it. What would it matter anyways? I would have taken it back, and been ok about it.

No... she lied to me. She insulted my integrity, and worst of all... my intelligence. How dare she, is all I have to say. Yes, I am still angry with her, and I think I just very well might be angry for a very long time. No matter what though... I do know that things will never be the same. I will never again be able to trust what she is saying to me. A saying my mom has always said... "I will bend over backwards for you, but the moment you lie to me, your ass is grass."

Ari, if you ever end up reading this, (Which I doubt, seeing as how you have better things to do), I just want you to know something. No, I don't hate you. I am hurt, I'm dissapointed, and I'm angry, but I do not hate you. I wish things had turned out differently. I wish you had been a little bit more honest with me. I wish you trusted me, like I trusted you.

...While I'm at this wishing thing, I'd also like to own Microsoft...

*sighs sadly*

~Alisa

Well, for any of you concerned about me, or ever end up being concerned... I will never commit suicide. The picture at the top? That one? ^ There? Yeah. That was the one I settled with. It's got enough pain, blood, and emotion in it. However... what I had orignally in mind, was a suicide jumper... so I got on Google and looked up suicide pictures... *shivers and closes her eyes tightly, willing herself not to cry* Never again will I think of doing it...

Last night... these past couple of days... all purpose to my life died. I just... it just all became very pointless to me. I figured I could do more good with my death than I ever could with my life. So I was going to put a picture up there at the top, and then when the time was appropriate... write a good bye blog. Well... turns out that's never going to happen. I saw what suicide does to people... I read the statistics, I read articles, I read people's stories... I read a couple of suicide notes... but worst of all... I read the faces of the dead ones. I read the faces of the live ones. And the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed... I read the faces of the children they left behind.

I have a young womens to take care of. I don't care about anything else. Those of you older than myself, you could handle it. You'd get over it. You'd move on. But my girls... they would be devestated. Rachel especially. Imagine... *swallows hard* No. No more imagining. I did my imagining last night. I sat, looking at pictures for over three hours and just cried and cried and cried... and I don't cry. It's just not something I do. I threw up a couple of times too... and then I had nightmares about them the rest of the night... I had to sleep with my light on, how big of a baby am I? *sighs sadly* Besides... I don't want to make anyone clean me up. (Literally)

And now I can't even die the way I want to. Is nothing in this world going to go right for me? I get to go to Oregon... I get to see my daddy and my step mom, and my family of friends... *chokes up a little bit* But at what price? The price of my sanity? Knowing that though I see them now, things will never be like they used to? Knowing that I will never be able to go back home, where I belong amongst them?

Kiss me with your lips of poisin
Pull me in with your silken lies
Kill me slowly with thoughts of reason
And cut off all of my reality ties

Wrap me in your thorns of sanity
Use me like you used that world
Twist me with your ways of vantiy
Take my essence; take my soul

Life is nothing but sweet pain
Why not use me to your own ends?
Throw me away and use me again
Look at the mixed message it sends

As I balance at the brink
I look down, and begin to think
"Oh please God, no more blood in my sink"
I feel him write my name in red ink

Death to you
Freedom to me...

~Alisa

So yeah... guess who's got to go to work. (As usual.) Me. Anyways, this job is closing up pretty soon, so if anyone knows of someplace that's hiring at fifteen, please, let me know. ...we need the money. Without my checks, we don't know if we can make the house payments... and we're already a little behind due to the damn graphing calculator... ...And I don't want to have to do what I used to do for money. Not now. Not again... I'm beginning to realize life is always about happiness. It's also about virtue, and I kind of want to keep what little bit I've gained these past couple of years. I don't want to lose them again. Anyways. What was I talking about?

Oh yeah. Jobs. Me. Please.

Ari, give me time. Life is... it's too hard right now. *sighs heavily* I just don't want to deal with it right now. You... you cut me deep babes. Wounds take time to heal, and since I'm not used to this whole living, breathing, feeling thing, it hurt worse than expected. Just... give me time. Besides, you may realize life is a lot happier -without- me there. That would make things much easier...

Keira, sorry about that mucho grandes folder. It's the only stuff I have on me. And though I sound poetic at times... It's just something that comes to me when I write stories and such. However... lately I've been struggling really hard to get past this huge writer's block... actually, come to think of it... I've had it since... oh my god... The day my mom first hit me. I haven't been able to write properly since the day my mother first hit me... Weird. Anyways, lately my drawings are more expressive than most of my writings.

Chrissy, chin up babes, I'm doin' fine. Life can only get be-Naw, I won't say that. Don't want to jinx this little bit of serenity I've found.

Yup. Gotta go to work. Laters.

~Alisa

PS: MY BLOG LOOK KICKS ASS NOW!!! ^^

[Edit: yes, my mother has actually hit me a couple of times. Not nearly as often as these blogs infer to, but she has.]

^^ wOOt! I don't know why... but I am just -totally- pumped tonight! I went out and skateboarded around town for a little bit... and then me and Clint played Majora's Mask for like, three hours, before it was time to head out to Young Womans. MMMmmmm Cinnimon rolls...

Anyways. I'm here to let you guys all know, that from now on, thanks to that little revelation I had yesterday, I am going to try and write something... poetic. Or just write something -period-. Every day. Till I die.

Or until I get past this damn writer's block... whichever comes first. ^^ So... yeah. Today sucked, basically, but I took it entirely in stride, strangely enough. Though this morning I freaked out, because I looked in the mirror and I swear, I looked like I had aged -years-. It was creepy. Then I got out of the shower and I looked normal, besides the extra heavy bags around my eyes...

Anyways. Here goes that little writing thinger...

As the alarm rings out in my ears, I roll over and violently turn it off. Turning onto my back, I face my window, and watch as the little dust motes that have taken to dancing in front of my window float in the autumn sunrise. Seeing the mountains, I smile softly as the sun rises over a new day. Oh that every morning were as tranquil as this, that I wouldn't have to rush off to a place where I am unwanted, unneccessary. I feel peace, like a soft cloud float over me, and I know that a change is coming soon. Very soon, to rescue me from my daily hell. Feeling my bones creak as I clamber out of bed, I know I am already too old to be doing this. Sadly enough, wisdom doesn't measure age... Crawling downstairs, I pass by the living room window. I pause, and watch silently as the street sits empty, the sun dancing playfully through the sprinklers, sending a prismatic spray of colors through the grass. Feeling at peace, I climb into the shower, letting the water play over me, washing away all doubts and fears that the midnight brings with it. Cooling my flesh, comforting and soothing my restless soul, the water surrounds me with a feeling I rarely can find anymore in this cacophany of a world... So content was I. However, as I left the bathroom, and dressed to get ready to head out the door, knowing I would be facing a cold world, I armed myself with a quote from Joan d'Arc herself.

"Gentil Dauphin, j'ai nom Jehanne la Pucelle"

Feeling the peace steal back over me, fighting down the urgancy I feel every day, I repeat it in my native tongue. "'Gentle Dauphin, I am called Joan the Maiden...'" In a quick undertone, I added to myself, "...And though they judge me now, judgement day for them shall come..."

^^ Go Joan d'Arc!

~Alisa

[Edit: She's still my hero.]

....Ugh... I'm in so much pain... no walking for me tommorow...

Um... Go kickboxing...

I bought two books today... Dante's Inferno and Homer's Oddyssy... I need to get the Illiad and Cyrano de Bergerac, and the Conte of Monte Cristo, but... Well, with time.

Anyways. I'm in pain. So good night.

~Alisa

[Edit: Still need the Illiad. I have the other two now. Both excellent books might I add.]

All's well that ends well...

Anyways, here's a list of books I need to buy... (A little reminder for me'self)

• Cyrano de Bergerac [x]
  
• The Illiad
• Marketing for Dummies
• Small Business for Dummies
• Aeneid
• MacBeth
• Much Ado About Nothing
• Hamlet
• Julius Ceaser
• Comedy of Errors
• War and Peace
• The Origin of Species
• The Descent of Man
• The Cantebury Tales

As for how I'm going to GET all of these... who knows. But I want them! ^^

Now, for me to write my little poem thinger of the day...

Screams my soul from torments door
"Rescue me, my Savior, my Friend,
that I may bleed for words no more."

And he to I: "What words thou bleeds
are words of hatred and sorrow. No use
for them have I, like flowers for weeds."

Falling to my knees, I weep for sorrow
long lost, despair far gone, and wounds
that stopped bleeding upon the last morrow.

But no pity he held for me in his sight
for naught but a wretch was I, clambering onward
in my search, blundering through the endless night

on my journey for the perfect knowledge. Granted
though, I was covered in the dirt of sins, the blood
of those that I preyed upon in greed. My slanted

path that I had chosen was slippery as oil
at best. No mortal man had shed the quantity
of blood as I onto the blessed soil.

So cursed was I, that all hope was robbed
of me, depriving me of God's gift to Man.
Being the wretch I am, I bitterly sobbed.

To this torment there is no end
And so to Hell I must ascend.

*sniffs* *cries some more* *sniffs again* Ok... I'm ok now...

*cries some more*

No poem for today... I have... too much on my mind to try and be poetic on purpose.

My friend... ok, so she's more than a friend. She's like my sister. We were raised together. We could call each other up and tell each what we ate for breakfast within two minutes of conversation. ...Or at least... at one point in time, she could have.

Have you ever loved someone so much, that it's a physical, dehabilitating pain in your chest? Sacrificed... Sacrificed so much for them... Ever made sacrifices that they will never even consider that you might have made? ...I hate it... I love her so much... and yet, she's blind. Wrapped up in the trends of tommorow, the hopes of yesterday... but never in the love of today. She has been decieved at the hands of her advesaries... let them tear her soul from her, rent her self esteem to pieces... and then have the nerve to call that pain pleasure. Whispering lies into her ear, twisting her mind until it snapped from the tension. ...I would do anything for her...

*sighs sadly and shakes her head*

Natalie, if you ever read this.... I love you, and I will always be here for you.

*sniffles*

~Alisa

[Edit: Still do.]

^^ Last night was the Stake Dance... I really didn't go with anyone, moreover, I showed up to support the stake... I saw Keira there, and Kim, and Leslie though. Surprisingly enough, they all let me hang out with them. I had a blast! ...I really don't have a lot of friends, though, most people don't believe me.

S'all good though. Keira and I hit up Albertson's afterwards, I bought us some Phish Food *drools*. It was awesome... we hung out at her house for a while afterwards and ate it, then I went home... Mom was angry. It's ok though, things are all right now. Anyways. All is well in The Villegette. I'll probably write something poetic later. Bye!

~Alisa

Well, I've always been partial to nights like these... *rubs her elbow gently* Nights where you take your dog for a walk, and end up having to break some random guy's face with your elbow because he's an ass and decides to try and take you on...

...Poor, poor man... Guess he didn't reckon with the fact that this body might be able to be used for more than just his pleasure... heh heh heh... like his pain... *grins widely* While exhausting, it was quite exhilerating. ^^

Well, I'm off. I've had quite enough adventure for one day.

~Alisa

[Edit: NEVER HAPPENED. I was a disgusting liar. And a poor one at that, quite apparently.]

Yeah... I was up really late last night... Like, midnight, doing homework... Bah, dumb Algebra II... It's all right though. It was worth it. ^^

Keira... was really down yesterday. I feel -horrid- cause I don't think I helped... But we went to the mall and she indulged herself. I bought her a massage (with money I don't have, but that's cool. Mom will just take it out of my next paycheck. S'all good.). She said she felt so much better afterwards.... I hope I really -did- do something to help...

I've never had someone who will let me spoil them rotten. It's what I do best... help them out, do little things that most people will never notice, and expect nothing in return. *grins and shrugs* What can I say, I'm a sucker for people. And besides, Keira's totally worth it. I just hope I did something to help... cause if not.... *gnaws on her nails in worry* If not then I'm just being really dumb and an insensitive jerk again...

Ah well. Tis off to school I adventure.

I can't wait to go to Oregon... like, three more weeks, and then it's nothing but two weeks of sweet, sweet nirvana.

...I hope it comes soon enough... *sighs heavily* You would think that me acing school would make me feel light, easy, laid-back... No. Not me. It does the oppisite... I start stressing over the little things. "Did I turn in Project 14 yet? I did it a week early, did I print it off and turn it in then? Or did I think I would do it when it was due?" "Did I get that homework done in class? Yes... Did I do number 54 though?! I didn't! Dumb Alisa, dumb dumb dumb..." "...I only got a 94 on this geometry test.... why only a 94? Talk about stupid. You can do so well, but you still didn't do well enough. Stupid stupid stupid..." "You missed one on your spanish test. You should have known them all. You shouldn't have missed it. You're stupid Alisa. You're an idiot. You should have gotten that one right. It was easy. You idiot."

...And then my friend got extremely angry today... *shivers and holds back the tears a little bit* ...It scared me... I've never seen him so violent... Fourth period I couldn't concentrate because I was still so shaken up..... I don't want to care about him like that. I don't want to, because nothing is ever going to happen. He's waiting for something bigger, better. Someone who will actually -do- something with her life... someone who can give him a full hundred percent... I know and understand all of this... He's amazing... I don't think he quite knows just how amazing he truly is. However... what with that temper... It struck me straight to the core... I was ashen white and jumpy and emotional for the rest of the day... I actually yelled at a bunch of people after school... it wasn't their fault... I mean, sure they're preppies, but I mean, who am I to judge them on that? I didn't even know any of them. That was wrong of me... see? Another mistake. I'm freakin' worthless... I screamed at them, because they were all mauling each other in front of the C-building doors... so I finally broke through and just yelled at the top of my lungs "GOD DAMNED PREPPIES!" *looks ashamed* ...they really didn't deserve that... and I shouldn't have said it...

See how much he affects me?! ...Nothing is ever going to happen... so why do I still care so much for him? *sighs heavily*

What's the point, anyways... no one's ever going to care about me... I suppose it's a good thing... Look at today, I'm nothing but a freakin' failure... I can't do anything right... Besides, these shadows in people's minds that I dwell in are becoming rather comfortable...

~Alisa

[Ah yes, the days when I was head over heels for Kyle. He's still my friend.]

I went to the movies last night with Steve, Kyo, Megami, and Xantari... ^^ It was fun. We watched Sky Captain and the World of Tommorow. It was fun! Though, Steve's driving has me worried... and he has -no- sense of direction... *grins*

Ah well. I'm listening to ICP right now... *grins* I was going to try and call Keira last night, see if she wanted to hang out... but due to the lack of her phone number... Anyways. I'm off to do housework.

~Alisa

...Bah. That's just about all I have to say today. Is... wait for it... BAH.

I'm lonely, I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, and I don't want to be alive right now. *sighs* Alisa? With joy? WHAT?! No, not possible. Must be fixed. Yup... It got fixed all right...

~An angry, sad, lonely, tired, frustrated Alisa

You ask me not to take the plunge

You tell me not to take the pills

Though I made that promise to you

It's too late, my blood already spills

Everyone within them has that empty space

The little hole amongst their soul

That no one can ever trace

Well mine has become a vacuum

Sucking in all other things

My hope begins to linger

And dwindling are my dreams

I've become an empty shell

Empty smile, empty eyes

And when I speak of happiness

It's just a pack of lies

I promised you I wouldn't commit

But my soul I must omit

And long ago my heart already quit

So honestly, it was just a load of $#!*

Because while my blood flows unerringly

My shell is empty, unbearably....

*sighs* I suppose I should be happy... I'm finally... completely.... alone...

Mother wants to have me scanned... She thinks I'm either Suicidle (Which I am, but will never do it, due to the promises I have made. I will NOT be dishonerable!) or I'm Homocidle. Literally. You may think that's funny... No, she actually thinks I'm going to murder someone. Take a bat to someone. Knife someone good. *shrugs* So I may end up on more medication than I want to be on... I mean, in all actuality, I don't want to be on -any- pills... but I should be. I took myself off of them. If I can't win a battle on my own, then I am too weak to win anyways, and deserve to lose, whatever the consequences.

*sighs* It would be a lot easier if I had some support from friends though.... I love Chrissy, but... she's just... No... she still lives in Happy Valley. The life of a normal, quiet, young woman. We just... don't connect anymore... I love her to death, but when it comes to opposites attracting, we're beyond hope. Ari... well, she never cared anyways. Keira... I think I've started scaring her. *shrugs* I suppose that's what I do right? Scare people? Mother thinks I'm going to kill someone, why shouldn't someone else think I'm stalking them? Kyle... Well, we won't go there. Let's just say that any hope I had of killing the vacuum... died. Kirstin is too happy with Jon, and I say let them be. SOMEone deserves some happiness... Natalie, my best friend for... 10+ years, suddenly decides she's going bigger and better and doesn't need me anymore. I hope she lives a happy life, because I won't help her if she ever needs any support. Julia is so innocent, you mention the though of someone being suicidle, and she freaks. My Oregonian friends.... They love me... they do, but... distance can wedge people apart, and I'm feeling it. *sighs* Am I ever feeling it... So I'm basically alone.

Completely.... alone.

~Alisa

The "Amegeddon" blogs will be blogs involving any information on my homicidle issue type thing. So if anyone is trying to keep up with my life, this is a way to classify it, I suppose. I go to counseling today to see just how soon the examination is. ...don't tell anyone.... but I'm scared... I mean, really, truly, scared of what they are going to say... I don't want to be institutionalized at the age of 15... or find out I have to be on medication my whole life and hospitilized for weeks at a time... I haven't even gotten my liscence yet...

*sighs* More time all alone...

~Alisa

Well... They're going to set up an appointment soon for me to see a psychiatrist, and then he'll prescribe me some heavy medication. Probably some SSRI, some anti-psychotics, maybe some mood stabilizers... who knows. We'll find out soon enough.

On the bright side, I finally decided what I want to do with my life. ^^ I'm going to go to medical college! I'm gonna become a doctor/psychiatrist. So far, there's no way to prove if someone has a chemical imbalance, so I'm gonna discover a way to figure it out! That way there will be proof... I know it sounds really stupid, but you wait... all of you will see... It may not be cancer, but this is a huge step too. Maybe I can help lower the suicide rate... Who knows... But this one will hit much closer to home than cancer would (or at least, I hope so).

~A very melancoly Alisa

[I'd still like to do that. You know, cure depression.]

I suppose this is what it feels like to be over thirty and single, watching couples waltz in the park beneath the moonlight, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears... You feel empty... like instead of just a vast hole within your soul... it's a vacuum, suckign and engulfing everything else in... Seducing even light into it's dark bowels, never to shine again. Why is it that the happiness and love I see shining in the eyes of others never be mine? Am I truly destined to be so barren within? To be Fate's toy... bounced upon a string, have so much within my grasp to suddenly spin out of control, losing it all within a small, short instant... Never to feel the passion make my soul quiver, the tender response of their hand trembling within my own, the silent pleading of their eyes for one more intoxicating embrace... Never to feel their fingers raking through my hair sensually, to shiver as their fingers stroke circles into my back, to tense in surprise at a gentle hand on my should, to feel their words carressing my soul, rather than my flesh... To feel the emotions, so carnel, so raw, like the flesh exposed to the first time to a blade... While the wound sears in pain you can't help but stare at the thick crimson flowing from you in enchanted beauty as the droplet poises and freezes time itself as it tentively begins to fall... Am I never to know these things?

Am I truly just Fate's bobble?

~Alisa

I'll be in St. George for confrence! Bye!

~Alisa

So I return from St. George.... I have a -really- nice tan... *grins* In between sessions I ended up helping David fix his roof and work on his yard down there. *flexes* El brasos y muchos grandes! ^^

*sighs* I'm off to bed now... no fun shtuff.

~Alisa

Click Click Boom will be the thread heading for anything related to my education/ACT testing and such. So when I do something particularly grand and such, then you'll know by that header.

Now, to kick this thread off, I'm taking the practice ACT tommorow, and if I get anything above a 28, I'm going to take the real thing. ...and if I do well enough, I get to go straight to college. *whimpers* So much shtuff happening so fast!

~Alisa

[Edit: Not true. That didn't actually happen. I've never taken the ACT. I took the practice one and got 29, but I haven't actually taken one yet.]

Josh came over and hung out today... We listened to Slipknot, Korn, Linkin Park, ICP, Static-X and Saliva. ^^ It was fun.... I love hard rock...

Oh yeah, well, we did the first half of the ACT today, the next half is tommorow. And to be frank, I don't care how I do anymore. Life is good. ^^

~Alisa

[Edit: LIES! Don't listen to me.]

Sacrifice my empty shell

I'm nothingness encased in Hell

Watch my blood. thick and red

Drip down my cheek from my head

See me bleed and never care

Don't let pity ever impare

Take my heart, here, I don't want it

Stupid useless peice of $#!^

See these tears crack the facade

Doesn't matter, I'll still applaud

All of your accomplishments

While I suffer for these sins

My shoulders draped

My body raped

Seeing through eyes encasing pins

Watch it now, I say farewell

You don't care as I go to Hell

I'll keep my peace, that's my life

To hold in silence all of my strife

See you there, that's all I'll say

I can't wait for that destined day...

~Twilight Moon

Such loneliness... *sighs heavily*

I'm thinkin' about gettin' my eyebrow peirced... If I do it, I do it.

That, or I'll get my hair cut. Like, to nothing but two or three inches worth of hair. ^^ I need a change! Something drastic too!

~Alisa

[Edit: I still think an Eyebrow peircing would look cool.]

Sometimes I wonder what's the point. Why am I still fighting the tide of hatred? Why do I persist in my battle with my mother and life itself? Why not just climb up high enough so that I can jump back onto the upraised spears of the world, impaling my soul, and ending this torment? Honestly, right now, I don't know. It's not like I'm living for anyone. Not like I have anyone waiting for me to give my soul to. Why do I do it? *shrugs*

However, we have to remember that the journey is more important than the end or the start....

~Alisa

....It's because....

HE'S SO WARM!!!!!!

^^

~Alisa

[Edit: Steve. Nice guy.]

Revamped my entire blog.... Why? Because I felt like it. DEAL WiT IT!!!

^^

~Alisa

Anyways... I revamped... AGAIN... I'll be out of town from Wensday to Thursday... Deal with it. Like, for a whole week and a day. DEAL WITH IT.

Besides, i's not like you guys'll miss me...

~Alisa

Yes, you can all bow down and worship me. Why? Because I'm a genius. Yes, a complete genius. I must give credit to my muse, for granting me this gift, and all of you in Oregon who helped make me smile so much that I can't stop now, and a frown is sinful in my eyes in this point of time. Here, let me show you what I'm talking about...

"...the sky reflected my soul as if the hand of some god had swooped a peice of it out of me and stretched it across the sky. My mind was heavy with thoughts, as the gray clouds were heavy with rain. With so much land, and so many ponderings, neither the clouds nor my mind knew where to begin...."

I WROTE THAT! Can you believe it?! This book, fully written and everything, fell out of the sky and into my head. I can't get over it. It's... AMAZING too, some of the stuff that's in it...

"Life is like a child's drawing. You can't really tell where it begins and where it ends, but what counts is that they enjoyed drawing it."

I can't believe I'm coming up with this stuff.... And the trip to Oregon was AMAZING! I can't wait for... I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore, life is just going great right now! ^^ Well, gotta go write! Bye!

~Alisa

[I've never actually gotten around to writing it. Still working on it though.]

Time for treats and so much sugar my teeth fall out! ^^ Yay for Halloween, when I can be who I truly am! ^^

~Alisa

Ever wonder what the clouds taste like, as you lay on your back and feel the rain pelt your face? Ever wonder who put you up to this, who's fault it is that you still draw breath after painful breath? Ever wonder why you're here, what your purpose is, how are you to accomplish it so you could move on? Ever wonder why you are suddenly losing so many friends, when you've shown nothing but love?

Ever hope that life would just stop... the tear drops frozen on faces like glass, while falling rain stands still, tinkling softly as you brush them away?

The clouds hang low and gray, and the unknown apprehension that crackles in the air is almost tangible as I lay on my back and watch the sky. Slowly, the sky cries it's tears of purity... gradually getting stronger and larger. The drops pelt my face, stinging like miniture icicles. I long for them to peirce my flesh and purify my soul, cleanse me, take me back to beginning... But would I have done anything different? Would my life have turned out better if I had made different choices? I feel so alone... so cold...

Everything is pointless. And yet, for some reason, my will to live continues. Personally, I think it's because subconciously I want to find out how to beat Majora's Mask. Another part of me doesn't want to perish until published. Thankfully, that may be coming sooner rather than later. Ah well... Whatever the reason, the few of you who care should hope it never runs out.

Sleep well, beneath the clouds of gray,
For soon life will come and whip you away...

~Twilight Moon

It's interesting, isn't it? How one can give so much, be so selfless, and yet... so unappreciated. You do things the exact opposite of how you normally would; you listen instead of talk; you watch them shop for clothes instead of books; you buy them things instead of yourself. And yet... nothing.

At one point in time I thought my heart belonged to someone, and then once I gave it to them... my heart was shattered. It took me what seemed to be forever for it to heal, and even then, just a thin shell of what it used to be. And again, I found someone. I poured myself into them... only to be denied. Now, I realize, love does not exist. It is some fictional idea; lust romanticized. Things like that can't ever exist mutually. Only unrequited, therefore, only in the most painful way possible. Makes me wonder why I can feel my shattered heart aching for more. I keep trying to shut it up, throw it in chains and muffle it's cries, but I keep failing... So I take strength from Toxicity.

"...Father into thy hands, I commend my spirit; Father into thy hands - Why have you forsaken me, in your eyes--Forsaken me, in your thoughts--Forsaken me, in your heart-- Forsaken--Me oh my self-righteous suicide, I cry when angels deserve to die in my self-righteous suicide, I-- Cry-- When angels deserve to... die...."

~Twilight Moon

[Edit: I still love that song... ^.^]

Amazing, isn't it? How such simple little things can change one's life? For me, it has always been the Forgotten Carols. I took Keira and Steve to it on Monday night, and... well, between me and you, most of the play I was racked with sobs. I'm always so humbled when presented with the powerful yet spiritual demeanor of Micheal McLean. And when faced with Katie Thompson's powerful voice, my very soul quivers with sincerity.

I am always eternally grateful for the fact that they always remember me. Micheal has told me that I shall have to visit him in LA sometime. When asked about finances, he told me not to worry about it.

I was also inspired XP to draw a couple of scenes from said play, and if I do say so myself, they're turning out magnificently.

I am restricted from the computer, so momentarily, the updates are lacking.

~Alisa

PS: Thank you Keira, and Steve, for attending with me and seeing a side of me no one else will ever see. ...And thank you Kyle, for constantly reminding me that I can always improve.

Bah. I'm updating for lack of anything better to do.

~Alisa

Guess what! I've decided to update with a list of websites that you WILL go to! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

www.meninhats.com

www.ozyandmillie.org

www.filthylies.net

http://ect.keenspace.com

http://pd.sparknotes.com/lit/cyrano/

http://ruki-hime.deviantart.com

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Do it... do it... do it.... SMOOOOOKE....

~Ruki

I have not died! Phear not! T3h Alisa doth live! ^^

...she's just too lazy to actually write something here.

http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=twilightmoon77

Please? Everyone go there and sign up? Cause you wuv me and want to give me lots of cool stuff? It's free! I promise! ^^

Sitting here, at my table, reading from the text of my literature book, a shaft of sunlight peircing the shade and spotlighting the motes lazily drifting around me, I reach for the package of strawberries my mother has purchased. Opening it with care, I lift one of the sun-blessed bulbs from the plastic casing and raise it in front of my eyes. Looking more closely at the speckled surface, I realize I have found the perfect strawberry. Crimson, with just the slightest lightening to the most purest of reds near the top to greet the vibrant, living green foilage. Each seed placed so perfectly, I am forced to imagine some giant hand placing every single one personally, making it symetrical in every possible way. I don't want to destroy this creation, but I have to taste it...

Taking a tentative bite, I can feel the juice dribbling down my chin as the tendons of the fruit give way to my teeth. An explosion of subtle flavor emits from my mouth, and reverberates to my brain. Pure ecstacy is all that my mind can register as I finish the bite. Looking back down at the wounded peice of art, I can't help but make the parralell between the fruit and me. Bleeding quietly the sticky red liquid from the bite mark, the flesh so tender and exposed. The crimson skin was never thick to begin with, the seeds trying to form a weak defense. It's smell so sweet and entoxicating, I know that I have truly found, in this world of war and hatred, a small bit of peace in what I will forever call...

The Strawberry of Summer...

A few words that a child from a failed marriage never wants to hear in her entire lifetime:

"You know, if I hadn't been such an ass, your mother and I would still be together."

"If I had been better aware of our relationship, I would still be married to your father."

"If I had had this knowledge earlier, I would have never married Cherie."

...I've been living without a father; only my mother and I fighting to survive in this world for men, all because these two IDJITS couldn't work it out. 14 years later, they're apologizing to each other for how it didn't work out. Do I get an apology for all the heartache of father's days without a father to sit next to during church? Do I get an I'm sorry for all the years of me hating males because I've never known one I can look to for comfort, including my own father? Do I get a remorse filled statement telling me they're sorry for all the pain and scars they have caused me?! Of course not, they're adults, they don't apologize to children. So instead, I'm here crying like a pathetic child, pitying myself. Curse them and they're stupidity, but more importantly, curse my inability to be strong in this area.

No matter what knowledge I hold now though, I tell you, the show must go on. Inside my heart is breaking, but my smile will still stay on. No use weeping for the past, and though I ache for it with my whole body, a chance at what could of been, what should have been, I have to find the will to carry on...

I can feel it. This happens every once in a while, but rarely can I feel it. Something deep withing the depths of my being a pit of black, noxious gunk is brewing, boiling so slowly that it's cooking all reasoning and logic, and I'm not even realizing it. Quietly it sneaks over the edges of its pit, breaking the confines, engulfing all light it comes in contact with and eating away at the blocks of brilliant white meant for protecting against such an acid. They fail, and eventually fall, rusted away by the silent killer of Sin. Bereft of logic, reasoning, and hope, the nasty goo rises up and surges through my system, purging it of light. My blood runs black, and I succumb to the lethal scythe Sin weilds expertly: Rationlization. I must stop it now, before it destroys all I've worked so hard for. I must resist... and slowly recapture the ugliness, harness it, and urge it back into the depths from which it came. And I cannot fight this battle alone...

It hurts, it really does.

I know I shouldn't be jealous, I shouldn't be upset, I have no right, no place. Yet... I can't help it. It swells inside of me, jealousy over taking my senses and my logic leaving me for a better place. I watch all of my friends, my enemies, my family, complete strangers, all making far more success than me. They have their lives planned out. Graduation, mission/marriage, college, family, happiness. Throw a job or two in there and you're good. Some of them even have what college they want to go to figured out, where they're going to work, everything... I watch as one by one, they each find something they love, and devote their energies to it whole-heartedly. I know, I sound like I'm whining, but honestly... What can I do? My friends go on to state for drama... (Drama for @#%&* sake! The one thing I used to think I was semi-decent at!) Some dance, others play sports, others have musical skills, and still others can draw. Things i used to think I could do... I used to think I was strong, and then I saw myself in a mirror. I used to think I could act, why then am I so afraid of auditions? Failure perhaps? I used to think I could dance, and then I watched myself. I used to think I could sing, and then I listened. I used to think I could draw, and then I looked. And one by one, I realized...

I have nothing.

Nothing but this empty pit that slowly engulfs everything within me, eating like acid at all of the hope I once had. I always say I hate men... I hate children, never want a family, never at all. I'll let you in on a little secret: I lied. I want a family as much as any other girl, if not more. I want to have little me's running around, making messes, driving me crazy and eating me out of house and home. I want a husband to lean up against, to have him hold me, comfort me, tell me everything is going to be alright as long as we're in it together and with the gospel... I want to be able to paint a room in a nice little home with dinosaurs and space stations and hobbits and Calvin and Hobbes while balancing a paint brush on my swollen belly. Of course I want children... It's something engrained in us, that we as women are meant to have kids, to raise a family to the gospel and watch them grow. I am no different... I want a family of my own, for once in my life. And yet I know it'll never happen. Sure, no tests have been taken; sure, I've never discussed it with my doctor or my mom. But I know I can't have kids. Either because I was damaged when the abuse happened, or because I'll never get married. Marriage isn't an option for me... I'd damage the poor guy too much, I have so much baggage, so much anger and independance, he'd hate me. And it hurts, to know that I will never have the family that haunts me in my dreams every night. And I think...

Would things be different if I had had a father?

Would the abuse ever of occured? Would I have had a stay at home mom, so we would have never had to move from Chicago? Granted, I wouldn't know anyone from here, but at the same time... Who has friends from highschool? No one... It just doesn't happen. Would daddy have protected me from the abusers? Would daddy have saved me from my self destruction? Would he have cradled my head and held me close as he promised me there were no monsters in the closet? I know why I can't handle God, why I rebel so much... It's because I've never had a man stick around in my life, never a single good decent one in my whole life. Why should this one be any different? It hurts... that my fath-Stephen will never know what he's put me through, what a HELL I live daily because of his assinine choices. No, I won't commit suicide; if there is a heaven and hell, I don't want to throw the fight before I have a chance. But I'm ready to die. Even if I lived longer, there would be nothing for me, nothing at all... I'm ready to die, just waiting for my soul to slip away unnoticed, and the shadows erase the memory of me.

I've forgotten what it means to be happy...

Well, I’ve tried to start writing three times. Every single time I realize that I was trying to write about something depressing, and since I’m not depressed, it was nearly impossible for me to get anywhere. So for lack of better writing, here goes a little bit of a theory I discovered a long time ago due to the help of a good friend of mine. (I wuv you Jonesy!) Yeah, I know I’m Morman and all, but please, be patient with me as I go ahead and explore my own theories and ideas.

Have you ever wondered why we’re here? Why we have so many different religions, yet not one of them can agree on a singular thing. One says we’re all going to go to Hell, so eat drink and be merry, another says that smoking will be the undoing of us all, and yet another says that Pot should be made legal. “God spoke to me last night” is a phrase even common preachers can use now a days and hundreds of thousands will follow them for lack of hope. So why are we here?

Innocence.

Ok, just think about this for a moment, just a little while. What if this was supposed to be only a rest stop? Kind of like a boarding school to train us and teach us to be obedient and become better as we continue on our journey to help others. Adam and Eve were kind of the test pilots. Sent here to make sure all was going to work and was up and running properly. But what if they screwed up? Found ‘Pandora’s Box’ and opened it up? My theory is that they unleashed puberty, the destroyer of innocence. We were sent here to learn to stay innocent, to stay pure in thought and deed before we were sent on to help others else where. But we screwed up. Have you ever noticed how innocent children are? How wonderfully pure, naïve, and clean? And then they hit puberty, and it’s as if that light in them is extinguished.

Some people are just meant to be good, others, (such as myself) aren’t. When you were a kid, didn’t you used to see a light when you dreamed? And you wanted to go there so bad, because it was warm, and wonderful, and made you want to be a better person, but you couldn’t because you weren’t ready yet? I used to. And then I hit puberty, and the dreams stopped. Only the truly innocent will go on, the rest of us… Well, if you believe in reincarnation, then you can believe that we just might get another chance to go on until we get it right. Innocence is the key, innocence is everything.

…Wow that was a really long, annoying ramble. ^^ Please, forgive me, I’ve been like, totally out of it lately. Go figure, neh?

You should all be happy to know that I am trying to make with the happy, but because of it, my mad writing skills are pretty much gone. I really can’t write about being happy, it’s annoying and a waste of time. I might be able to write about love, but… *blegh* Love is gross and doesn’t exist any way. OOO OOO! I should post that retarded essay I had to write a long time ago! Hey, I think I will.

Give me love, for I DEMAND IT! ^^

~Alisa

ARGHSHG:LHKSNBN:DLJ:K JKLLDFH DEATH! ><

Men should die. All of them.

And I should be the first person to go.

Ohs noes! you say. Alisa, you shouldn't say things like that! you remark. Screw you.

Heh, of course. The only males I've remotely felt attracted to, have shafted me. REPEATEDLY. And now, the one guy I might have actually had a chance with, maybe kinda sorta, has yet again... shafted me. Without knowing it too. And I'm doing nothing but creating a living hell for myself. AUGH! I don't know why either!

MOTHER OF ALL THINGS UNHOLY!

>< I hate this... Well, at least I'm doing a wonderful job of making my life horrid. I'm hooking up my best friend with my love interest. Wondrous. I get to see him oogle her all the time now. Gosh, I went out of my way to make this happen too! I skipped two periods with him, hoping to make him feel better, and then I went and started trying to get suggestions on how to get her to take him back! What am I thinking?!

Those of you who know me, know VERY well that I'm not a nice/good person. So I don't understand why this is happening. To me. Of all people.

I hate my life... ><

AND IF ANY OF YOU KNOW WHOM I'M TALKING ABOUT...

Then go away, don't read this, don't tell him, or ANYTHING. For I will smite thee with the fires of a million hells. ><

Well, I decided today. I'm officially sick of being used, abused, and then abandoned. It seems to me that no matter what I do, whom I try to help, they always end up ignoring me. Ditching me. Leaving me for dead on the side of the road. I realized that I know more about what's going on in the lives of my worst enemies, than I know about what's going on in the lives of my best friends. Well screw it. I hate to say that I want to be a hermit, but I mean, let's get real. How many of these people am I going to know out of highschool? If everything goes according to plan, once I graduate, I'm going to meet my birth mother, and then I'm coming back, packing up, and moving on. I don't plan on sticking around here any longer than I'm forced to. So what does it matter? Why should I keep giving myself to people, only to hear "SHAFTED!" resonating in my ears? *sighs* I don't know...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Father of mine
This is your daughter
The one you didn't love
But the one you let the world slaughter

Father of mine
Can you fully comprehend
What the effect of no contact did
All the letters you "couldn't send"

Father of mine
Why did you leave
Because I wasn't cute enough
Or because you didn't conceive

Father of mine
Where did you go
You left me with a monster
But I guess you didn't know

Father of mine
Where are you now
Surrounded by your family
In your brand new little town

Father of mine
My heart will always ache
Because of what you did to me
And because of the promises you break

Father of mine
How can you not miss
The golden days when I would still
Call you daddy and give you a kiss

Father of mine
I hope that you know
My love for you will never die
But my hate will always grow...

Let the music take you, let it carress you and show you the intimate areas of itself...
Let it wisk around you in it's sensual dance of crescendos and fortes...
And when it's had it's way with you, and you feel lost and destitute...
Sacrifice yourself to it.

Anyway... I just kind of want to take a small poll. Not that anyone reads this whiney thing... But...

Am I really becoming more feminine? I keep hearing that I am, but I kinda don't know whether to believe it or not. So if you read this, give your opinion. Please.

Wow. What can you say after such an amazing evening? *grins* Here it goes, blow by blow.

I got my hair done at two. I was so stinking excited. The hair turned out awesome. Then it came around time for six, and mom did mah makeup and helped me into my dress (that things a BEAST). Peter (my date) arrived at six thirty with his parents. So freakin' funny. As I came out of the bathroom, he just stood there, stunned. ^^ He looked so sharp last night, in a black tux, silver tie and vest... So we did the whole ritual of pinning on the crasauge(sp?) and he slipped the bougtnier on my wrist... It was so pretty too! Three small red roses bound by a little black ribbon... it was georgous and fit my dress perfectly. I got him a small reddish lily tied by a silver ribbon. Totally t3h sexy. As we were standing there, both of his parents had come with him, and they were commenting on how lucky Peter was that he was going to be able to take a girl like me to Prom. *blushes* It was so sweet. Of course, then I stopped him before it went any farther...:

"Peter, before this date gets any farther... Ask me to Prom." See, he had never actually asked me, and I wanted to be asked to Prom! So he blushed furiously and his parents snapped off a few shots of him asking me to Prom... Then a few pics of us together, apart, together. Mug shots. I'll post a link to them once I get them scanned. So then it came time for my mother to escort us to Jon's house. He opened the door for me and everything! I crawled in, and it was so funny, because he was dead silent. And so to break the silence, I was just kind of like, "I'm so nervous..." His face lit up and he smiled and he was like, "Me too!" It was all uphill from there. We arrived at Jon's, and found him in a sharp black suit (Not as good looking at Peter though, mind you) and Kirstin in this extravagent mint green dress. She had this massive train and looked amazing. (BTW: Kirstin and Jon were the other couple we went with.) We were sat in the dining room, nice and candlelit... We had porkchops, mashed potatoes, cream cheese bread, salad, and homemade ice cream. Then we headed back out to the mini van ^^ and headed up to Thanksgiving Point. Me and Peter had a great time talking about whatever came to mind, and half the time it involved video games.. ^^ Kirstin and Jon did their best to ignore us. We arrived, and he ushered me in on his arm. It was so sweet... We dropped our stuff off at a table and just had an AWESOME TIME. I mean, come on, how many couples can headbang at prom? It was so cool. We slow danced too though. In the middle of this really romantic song, we were box dancing, and he started teasing me...

"Once I get back home, after listening to this music so loud, I'm not going to be able to hear a thing. 'So Peter, did you have a good time?' 'WHAT?! I SMELL LIKE PINE?! I DON'T REMEMBER THAT!' 'No no no... How was Prom?' 'THERE'S A BOMB?! HUH?!' " I started laughing my head off so hard... Ruining the romantic mood, but I couldn't help it! And then Kirstin and Jon got the brilliant idea to go for a carriage ride. The line was massive, but we wanted the fresh air. So we stood outside, I was latched on to Peter for warmth. Jon kept flashing the camera, so Peter kept turning his head. This one time he got a face full of his bougtenier, which was hilarious... So then we gave up on the ride, went in and danced some more. Bob/Andrea was there, and she ran into me once. So we got in each other's faces and had a little stand off... I happened to have tucked 40$ away in my bra for tickets though, so I whipped it out and was like "What now wench?" and she was like "Sorry, I'm fresh out," and then her boyfriend smacks a five dollar bill on her chest. It was really funny... So then we left the dance and hopped back into the minivan. Kirstin and Jon crawled in the back, snuggled and fell asleep. The whole ride home, they were all mushy and romantic. Me and Peter talked about zombies the ride home. ^^ It was so cool! We were making this weird noises and having a grand old time. We dropped Kirstin and Jon off, and it was like, 12:30 then. Well, me and Peter were starving, so we pulled through Wendy's and got some food. We headed back to my house and watched Moulin Rouge, just to finish off the date. Of course, then it was like 3 in the morning... But it was so much fun! I laughed and laughed and laughed... I don't know why, but he just cracks me up so much! Did I mention it was his first date ever? I feel so special! YAY! So then his dad came and picked him up, and do you want to know what our porch scene consisted of? He gave me a huge hug, and then we cracked another zombie joke, and I watched him get into the car and drive off. It was wonderful. The best night I've ever had in my whole stinkin' life. ^^

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
My scars remind me
That the past is real
I tear my heart open
Just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
and I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
and I can't help you fix yourself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
Our scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart
Open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is
That I care too much
Our scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart
Open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
and I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
and I tried to grab your hand
and I left my heart open
but you didn't understand
but you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is that
I care too much
Our scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart
Open just to feel

I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut
My weakness is that
I care too much
Our scars remind us
That the past is real
I tear my heart open
Just to feel...

So anyways. Just more random thoughts... I'm starting to write again. I've stopped posting things on my DA site because quite frankly, I've stopped drawing... I post this song, mainly because it helps me remember why I used to cut, and why I have stopped... Yeah, I can be open with myself now. I used to cut. Full blown gashes made by my own two hands. I'm glad it doesn't bother me to say that anymore. It doesn't make it any less embarrasing, I mean, honestly, they're extremely unseemly, and chances are I won't get into a swimming suit all year because of them... It's rather sad. But alas, I suppose that's my own fault, and ain't it the truth: "And my scars remind me that the past is real". So school's almost over. Yay. I'll talk to you guys later...

~Alisa

No amount of good intentions will ever be able to salve the wound you have created.

You know who you are. You know what you've done. I doubt you'll ever read this, because knowing you, you don't read much of anything any more, you work far too much. Ah well.

I just don't understand how you could do this to me... how everything could happen like this... You're the one I usually run to when things like this happen. I usually run to you, into your waiting arms, so you can comfort me and whisper logic into my ears to soothe my rage, terror, or sorrow. Who can I run to now that your wings are no longer there to shelter me? I just don't understand...

I feel like I'm breaking my back for nothing. This religion... it's driving me mad... it's failing... I'm working so hard to keep it alive, trying to hard to keep my faith from flickering out, but what am I supposed to do when I am the only active young woman in my whole ward? It's like everything is slipping through my fingers, as if someone is prying them apart to let the sand sift through. The harder I grip the faster they fall. I'm so lost now... You were the one who always kept me alive, the one who told me what was going on, that everything was going to be ok... I'm losing everything... everything... My hope, my dream, my faith, my self control, my respect, my love, my life... everything is spinning downwards, and as I jump to try to save it, my wings are ripped from me. So now, I can no longer fly, only fall with it all... I suppose I am just white trash... useless... unlovable... there is nothing more I can do with this life... This life. There it goes again, my religion seeping into every single thing I do. It's taken over my life, and soon, I hope, will be the cause of my death.

Aucun bon contrat ne va sans punition...

καμία καλή πράξη δεν πηγαίνει ατιμώρητη...

никакой хороший документ не идет без наказани...

No matter how you say it... No good deed goes unpunished. I guess it's true. What's the point of being good? It's gotten me nowhere. I had more chances at life when I was being a hellian. This light that was warming me, washing over in a soothing way has suddenly become chilled, distant, and this light is no longer the friend that it was.

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen...

It's interesting, isn't it? How life can go from Hell to just... Life in no time at all. I remember only weeks ago I used to be filled with such anger, such hatred... And now, I can't even imagine what that feels like. I just feel exhilerated, almost like I could run forever and never get tired. I have a lot of things to thank for that.

Peter being one of them. He's been so good to me. Ok, wait. Before ANY of you get the wrong idea, no, absolutely not, we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. Though I'm sure he'd ask me to be if he had the guts, which I'm glad he doesn't, because I would have to tell him no. I refuse to date just one person throughout highschool. Under NO circumstances will I have a boyfriend during highschool, even if that IS the social norm. Well, I'm sick of it being the norm, because think of all the opportunities you are forcing yourself out of. Think of all the fun you are depriving yourself of! By having a boyfriend, I would only be able to date him, and him alone, I would only be able to flirt with him, and him alone, and I would basically have to devote all my time to him. I just don't want to do that yet. I've got jobs to worry about, no time for a steady guy. Besides, when you have a boyfriend, you become committed in a way. And when you are committed in such a way that it can be broken off, committment just doesn't seem as special anymore. And I want my marriage to be the best freakin' thing ever.

Anyways. Peter. He's been real good to me, being patient, and hanging out with me when I needed a friend. He makes me feel... special, and I guess that's what I need. Plus, he takes the crap I give him. "Go get me ice cream Peter." "What flavor?" ^^

Work: What to say about my jobs... well, as most of you know, I was a part-time secretary at PurCo and Buckets & Barrels. Then the owner of that company decided to purchase a fireworks stand franchise, and he also decided to put me in charge of it. His exact words? "Here. Make me money." So my secretary job has kind of been put on hold while I work my butt off trying to get this thing running. I have to hire, create schedules, inventory, stock, count money, not to mention all the liscences I have to acquire. And the stupid stand isn't going to get here until tommorow! Argh...! How can I pass the Fire Marshal's test without a stand to be inspected!? So we probably won't open when I was hoping to open... But that's alright.

I got a car! A 1991 Geo Metro that doesn't run yet, but she will. I named her 'Sophia'. If any of you have paint job ideas, I'm listening. I was either thinking painting it royal/true blue, and then getting a Homestar Runner decal on the hood and the whole HSR gang on the trunk; or painting it camoflauged, like army style, and then on the hood writing backwards "Can you see me now?" and then on the trunk be like, "If I can't see you, you can't see me!" I dunno, they're kinda dorkish, but I'm totally open to ideas. Anyways, speaking of work, I'd better head out. Sorry for not updating in forever, I'll try to keep it up! (For those few of you who actually read this)

^^ Peace out!

~Alisa

They want me back.

[Again, WTF?!]

Eight years old; We got in a fight
Gave me a good scar; Beneath my left eye
Left him a shiner; He wouldn't forget
I sure hope he hasn't; 'Cause that's how we first met

Eleven years old; He ran away
Showed up on my porch; That very same day
I took him inside; Sat him in the chair
He cried on my shoulder; Saying "It isn't fair"

Because he's my friend; The very best
He's more like my brother; and that's as good as it gets
I'd give up my life; Without any regrets
And I want him to know; I love him

Thirteen years old; my mom kicked me out
Went to reform school; he told me not to pout
Said things were ok; he could hold the fort down
Wiped my tears away; and ordered me not to frown

Six months later; when I came back
Saw him waitin' for me; smokin' a single twelve pack
He had a few more scars; and new stories to tell
We talked all night; and we were both doing well

Because he's my friend; The very best
He's more like my brother; and that's as good as it gets
I'd give up my life; Without any regrets
And I want him to know; I love him

Sixteen years old; we're getting no younger
I get a phone call; saying "I really do love her
But I'm sorry to say; you'll be an aunt
Cause I made a mistake; and got her pregnant"

Imagine my great surprise; when he told me that
But we'll both get through this; Cause that's where we're at
Wish he hadn't done it; but I'm happy to say
They're going to keep it; and the kids gonna stay

Because he's my friend; The very best
He's more like my brother; and that's as good as it gets
I'd give up my life; Without any regrets
And I want him to know; I love him

And I want him to know.... I love him

~Alisa

(C) of Alisa Green. Don't touch.

Ok, weirdest and coolest thing to happen to me in YEARS. When I was kid... (and a pretty rough around the edges kind of one, mind you) I had a really close friend. He was my absolute best friend in the whole world. I mean, his older sister babysat me for years. We had a mock wedding for crap's sake! We had a deal that we'd go to the Timpanogas temple together... 'Course, back then it was in marriage... I still just can't believe this is happening... He's found me...

Ok, so I'm on Mindsay and laddie daddie dah. He found me. That's what matters. ^^

Cause see, I moved around a lot as a kid... didn't get much stability... I don't remember much of my childhood... I blocked almost all of it out. So sometimes I make up memories to fill in the blanks, until someone else fills them in with the truth. Like with Josh Phillips, he's my buddy and all, but I don't remember too much. Except that we had fun. He always tells me what really happened, but I can never remember. Course, it was never a problem, until now... I only remember small little things... Like the balcony... his back yard... the knots... him always saying he's a daredevil... the picture of Timp Temple, and his dining room counter... the coul de sac... but not much else... I faintly remember white apartments where I once lived... but I don't remember much of anything. The basic layout... poster paints... jump ropes... fingers shut in doors... the tonka trucks... and the tower of tires... Not much though... all of it's so fuzzy... I think it's because that was around the time I was being sexually abused. So I can see why I blocked it out, but still, I wish I had a childhood I could remember.

Ok, so why did I go on that nostalgic speil? To show just how monumental this is. I mean, this is like... Earth shakingly important. He IS my childhood, my past, the cream filling that I never got to see cause I threw out the whole cookie in general. I'm in such shock that this is happening, that he's so grown up, that I'M so grown up, that we're both... I mean.. Gosh! This is mind numbingly fantastic! Reminds me of the time I drank a third of a 44 ounce slushee... I couldn't think, I was just numbed. This is so... amazing I can't even comprehend it!

Here. Go here. http://www.ozyandmillie.org/ Then you'll understand what we were like as kids. Except imagine Millie a little bit more meloncholy... and our parents didn't date, though they hung out sometimes. But all in all, those are our escapades almost to a T.

To my little Joshy, who, ironically, isn't so little anymore:

Thank you for finding me. May we continue our friendship in peace and safety and with God's blessing. ^^

ZTattoos In Permanent Marker

Ever been streaking stark naked
Down the main street break necked
With nothing to call your own but your birthday suit?
I have

It's Christmas Eve, sittin' 'round the heater
Eatin' greasy popcorn with my buddies Josh and Peter
We're lookin' at the christmas tree so bare and barely livin'
Thinkin' of the reason for the season and what we've each been given

Till Peter grabs a Sharpie and Josh grabs my arm
I didn't bother stopping them cause they'd never cause me harm
First we started talkin' then we started walkin'
Then Hey! Ho! What d'ya know! All the cops are gawkin'!

Cause it's like tattoos in permanent marker
No need to be a Bruceman or even Peter Parker
The ink'll wash away but the memory stays
As long as you get there who cares about the ways?

We've each have our own set of traumatizing issues
Peter's moms addicted to the cigerettes and booze
I have a few health problems and my family's really poor
Josh isn't exactly wealthy and his sister is a whore

But streaking down that mainstreet in all of our glory
I guess we kind of realized the moral of our story
We each have our own problems to deal with everyday
But once we get together it doesn't matter what we say

Cause it's like tattoos in permanent marker
No need to be a Bruceman or even Peter Parker
The ink'll wash away but the memory stays
As long as you get there who cares about the ways?

Sittin' in the back seat of a police car
Let's just say we didn't make it far
Those police guys enjoyed the show
But they wouldn't want us to know
So they took us in and wrapped us up
Man my mom is gonna beat my butt

Cause it's like tattoos in permanent marker
No need to be a Bruceman or even Peter Parker
The ink'll wash away but the memory stays
As long as you get there who cares about the ways?

(c) Alisa Green. See that? Copyrighted. Don't even THINK of touching this unless you have my explicit permission. Cause I'll hunt you down and kill you. Cause I can do that. ^.^

She's an insomniac with an attitude
Overly polite and a little bit crude
Still wears a CTR ring where ever she goes
What goes on in her head nobody knows

A psychopath with a G2 pen
She's started up her ranting again
Just plug my ears till it blows over
'Cause once she's done she'll let me hold her

She's a Nintendo girl--With a bookwormish swirl
Can quote you Harry Potter--There ain't nothin' much hotter
Draws comics during classes--She's so cute with her glasses
She works a nine to fve--and the best part is she's mine

Knows elvish and dwarvish and latin too
Can write a whole letter in code for you
Wears tight jeans and bright colored sweaters
Loves Les Miserables and has his chains and fetters

She's addicted to hot chocolate
Likes to shop within Hot Topic
Knows her PC better than her number
And knows how to work with lumber

She's tough 'cause she has to be
Let's down her gaurd when she's with me
I'm one of the only ones who can see
She's beautiful--just the way she is

She's a Nintendo girl--With a bookwormish swirl
Can quote you Harry Potter--There ain't nothin' much hotter
Draws comics during classes--She's so cute with her glasses
She works a nine to fve--and the best part is she's mine

She's mine....

She's mine...!

She's mine!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, now before you guys freak out on me "OMFG Alisa's writing about a chick!" Yes, I am. But for a purpose. Peter has a band and all, and he writes really good music, he just... can't come up with lyrics. So I'm filling in that role. And am just trying to put my experiences and stuff in male music. So hey, get over it. THESE ARE ALL COPYRIGHTED TO ME. Totally original stuff here. Dunno if he'll like it, but I'm sure he'll enjoy himself with them nonetheless. latah!

(c) Alisa Green. See that? Copyrighted. Don't even THINK of touching this unless you have my explicit permission. Cause I'll hunt you down and kill you. Cause I can do that. ^.^

Yup, so I'm headin' out to my dad's. Goodness only knows when I'll be back again or how well it'll go over. Or, so I DO know when I'll be back. I'll be back by the 22nd, for school and all. Though if I had it my way, I wouldn't be coming back.... so much drama over here...

So I went to WalMart at like three in the morning last night to pick up my stuff for my trip. I had two hundred dollars, and had to borrow twenty from my mom. I spent a hundred dollars on a portable CD player and head phones. But guess what? THEY ROCK. I got this awesome Sony S2. Basically it's meant for jogging and stuff and heavy duty, so it's practically skip proof. And with how bumpy that Greyhound is, this'll be perfect. Plus I move around a lot, so after I'm back this'll be great for school and stuff. Then I got these awesome sound proof head phones. They're meant for airplanes so you don't have to listen to everything else going on around you if you don't want to, but I'm sure it'll work for the bus too. Then I bought a Dart Vader mask for four bucks, cause Vader is t3h hawtness. You can tell I just saw Episodes 4&5 a few days ago... *drools*

I went over to Peter's last night, to say good bye and hang out for one last time before I have to leave... It was sad, cause I didn't realize just how much I'm gonna miss him. We talked all night on his front porch, and he gave me a HUGE hug before I left. It was nice. But I AM gonna miss him. I swear, if it wasn't for Pete, I'd probably try and stay at dad's. David is leaving. Going back with his mom. I say good riddance. He's a liar, a manipulator, and a waste of space. He's just wasting away his potential. And it makes me mad. Anyways. Better happy thoughts.

I'm excited to go, and you guys will get a full report upon my return. Latah!

~Alisa

I never had much of a place to call my own
Financial worry is all I've ever known
Livin' alone with my mom's been really rough
When you live in a neighboorhood like mine you gotta be tough

Losing friends to drugs and alcohol
It always amazes me how the world is so small
And empty after they leave me, don't try to please me
This air is freezing And all I want is for you to

Take me home, back to where the trees are tall
Where the grass is green and the schools are small
Take me home So I can be loved till I die
So I can have a father and never wonder why

The cement is wet underneath my wellworn shoes
I don't know which path to walk and I don't want to choose
Just want to ride on the highway that I call life
I don't want these clouds of toil and strife

Just want to lay out in the sun in nothing but a swimsuit
Soakin' up the rays and munchin' on some fruit
So set me free, give me back my wings so I can see
All I could never see And so that you can

Take me home, back to where the trees are tall
Where the grass is green and the school's are small
Take me home so I can be loved till I die
So I can have a father and never wonder why

Back to where the people are nice
So I can live my life
The way that I want to live it

So I can find myself
I don't need your help
So let me and myself get with it Oh would you

Take me home, back to where the trees are tall
Where the grass is green and the schools are small
Take me home so I can be loved till I die
So I can have a father and never wonder why

Yeah take me home! (Cause I'm sick of wondering)
Oh please take me home! (Cause my soul is floundering)
Oh can you take me home! (You can take me anywhere)
Oh won't you take me home! (Just so long as home is there)

Take me home!
Take me home...!
Take... me... *swish of feathers*

(c) Alisa Green. See that? Copyrighted. Don't even THINK of touching this unless you have my explicit permission. Cause I'll hunt you down and kill you. Cause I can do that. ^.^

I'm screaming I'm swearing
I'm yelling I'm tearing up inside
The darkness is creeping
And somewhere you are sleeping by her side

You left me so lonely
Leaving me to say if only I had tried
To be that bit tougher
Maybe now you would not love her while I cry--I cry!

So stay with me
Just for this single night
Oh stay with me
So I can see the light

I drive home the long way
Just to see you everyday on your way home
Whenever your band plays
I make sure that I've got tickets to the show

Because I miss you

So stay with me
just for this single night
Oh stay with me
So I can feel the light

I should have never ever let you go
If only I knew then what I now know
Maybe there's a way for me to show
I love you!

So stay with me
Just for this single night
Oh stay with me
So I can know your light...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So I'm in Oregon right now. My step mom was nice and let me get on the internet for a while. No MSN though, just mindsay, and maybe Deviant Art. She's always been real good to me, trying to make me feel like I'm part of the family when she can. ^^ So my step sister Jenny is pregnant. She gonna have a BABEH! Woohoo for the next generation of babehs!

*sighs* You can tell I'm trying to be happy about the whole situation, but I still feel.... I dunno, rejected? I mean, dad completely remodeled the whole house, so the only bit of familiarity I had with the house is now gone. It's like... I dunno, like the very HOUSE is rejecting me and telling me I don't belong here. I can't get ahold of my friends out here... I wanna go over to Lori's, crawl into her lap and cry. Not that I would cry, but I want to. They hadn't thought ahead far enough to figure out where I was gonna sleep, so yay for me, I get a nice little patch of floor. I was listening to my music a few hours ago, and I freakin' fell asleep for hours. I really wish I hadn't, because now I'm all groggy and feel like I have morning breath. *yawns* It makes me sad that my place out here is rapidly closing up. No returning, eh? It makes me sad. But I guess that's what happens when you grow up and move on. I get the feeling this is going to be a very long two weeks... at least Renee is being nice to me. She's being really sweet and trying to keep me included. Breanna is more leaning towards the side of just letting me sleep on the floor and leaving me to be ignored. When she's not teasing me that is. She's cool though, I understand why she's acting this way. We didn't exactly have a great time last time I was here. I mean, heck, it was my fault that she ended up putting locks on her doors. She's a good woman, just... I really screwed up big time.

I just wanted to know what it felt like to have a family...

~Alisa

(c) Alisa Green. See that? Copyrighted. Don't even THINK of touching this unless you have my explicit permission. Cause I'll hunt you down and kill you. Cause I can do that. ^.^

So the whole family's here. Yahoo. It really aches to see how happy they are together. So many of them gathered in one place all at once in nothing but happiness and lightheartedness. Jenny is having a baby, so her baby shower is tommorow. Her husband, Dan, and all of his family are over too, to wish her well. Bre is out on a date, but she'll be back soon enough. Renee and her boyfriend Russel, Angie and her husband and her two kids, Cherie, and my father. And me. I feel so... out of place. I know I don't belong here. It makes me really sad, and makes me wonder again with that unpleasant twinge of sadness just what it feels like to be surrounded by family. Those who have watched you grow up, who have tormented you with whip cream, feather, mustard and the like. Those who teased you when you had your first crush, your first pimple, or as of now, your first child. They're tring to include me, but no matter what I do, I just seem out of place. Like... a dandelion growing off of a rose bush. It's just awkward and isn't meant to be there. *sighs* Ah well.

Sorry this is so whiny, I just needed a place to vent, kind of a sanctuary for a little while, till I can get everything worked out in my head. This vacation isn't as relaxing as I thought it would be....

~Alisa

The ground was soft and moist as she crawled through the bushes, her jean clad knees struggling to stay atop the soil. Her breathing was labored as she tried so desperately to stay silent. She blinked water out of her eyes, trying to clear her head as she reached out tentively into the darkness, making sure she would not fall into a sinkhole or one of the many bear traps that were common in this forest. She could hear her pursuers behind her, their heavy rubber boots thudding on the wet ground and squelching in the mud. Closing her beautiful green-hazel eyes, she could almost smell the gun powder mixed in with the alcohol that she so venhemently dispised. She whimpered softly as her tender palm met with a thorn bush, but that whimper of pain quickly turned to one of fear as she heard through the pattering of the rain one of their voices deathly close. "Come out come out where ever you are... Come on princess, I ain't gonna hurt yah.... I jus' wanna give you a lil' bit o' fun that those there city folks don' let you have..."

His voice was grotesque and singsong, and his grammer worse. The night air was frigid with the harsh rain, soaking her filthy and torn t-shirt and jeans. She wore no shoes; they had never returned them to her after the first night. As painful as she knew the thorn bush would be, the thought of lying naked on the cement floor waiting for them to come and release her only for their pleasure numbed her to the scratches. Pushing herself through them, the blood ran freely from the many small wounds she had received. She came out triumphant and began moving forward faster when a pair of rubber rain boots blocked her vision. "Goin' somewhere, princess?" He spat out the last word and raised her up by the arm. She screamed and kicked and bit and fought as hard as she could against the man, but he was getting bigger, his grip became tighter, his mouth was being filled with razor sharp teeth and his eyes glowed red as she closed her own tear filled ones in fear...

The thunder rolled and bellowed out it's powerful song as Jenessa Sanders sat straight up in her bed, her face wet with tears and a scream choked down in her throat. Her hazel-green eyes rolled wildly in her head as she tried to cut through the fog that was shutting down her brain. Realizing she was safe, in her own home, covered by her own silk bed sheets, she felt her muscles uncoil themselves as her australian shepherd sauntered sleepily up to her bed to rest his white and black head on her sheets. Crying from relief, fear, and anger, she reached down and ran her fingers through her companion's soft downy fur. He whimpered in response, his ice blue eyes clouded with worry and concern for his owner. "Shh Spencer, it's ok... I'm ok..." She wiped her eyes off on her comforter and looked at the digital alarm clock that blared in bright red numbers 9:57 PM. Pushing the nightmare to the back of her mind, she groaned, and knew that she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep before she had to get up in another hour. She rolled out of bed and headed across the cherry hardwood floors towards her bathroom.

The blaring lights nearly blinded her while the storm raged on outside. Stupid storms, they always gave her nightmares. Jen grabbed a towel from her linen closet and turned around to face the mirror. Tired eyes looked back at her from underneath a mess of auburn hair. Grabbing her brush, she quickly untangled it until it reached it's full length; right beneath her shoulder blades. Her lips weren't thin, but they weren't exactly luscious either. Not that she cared; kissing wasn't something that happened often in her world, so there was no need for luscious lips. A round nose sat between firm cheekbones. Her skin was tan, and she looked like an italian with her half smile and cocked eyebrows. A smile that had not crossed her face in a long time. Instead of the beautiful woman she once had been, she now looked tough, firm, strong; like a sunflower without its color. She undressed and clambered tiredly into her small shower with the frosted glass, and tried to wash the memory of the nightmare away. She had work to do.

The security gaurd at the highly polished front desk looked up casually from his newspaper to see who had walked through the darkened revolving glass doors. Seeing who it was, he went back to his article on exercise and said sociably, "Don't you ever get a day off Jen?"

"Don't you ever stop dressing in the dark Jack?" He looked up from his paper to give her a small playful glare. She smirked in return as she passed, her hair in a bun and a black suitcase in her hand. She seemed to be in a good mood tonight, and Jack turned back to his article.

Jenessa continued down the hall to the elevator, her black tennish shoes scuffing lightly against the marble floor. The elevator arrived and she punched the number in for the seventh floor. Taking a deep breath, she relaxed as the metal box glided up towards the middle floor of the high rise. All the floors were dark, until she reached her destination and stepped out into the lightened hallway. The hallway in general seemed comfortable, from the barethread green and maroon carpeting to the tired but smiling secretary behind a white desk. "Jen! You look like hell, did you have another nightmare?" Jen sighed and her shoulders slumped in response. No need to put up pretenses when you have a psychic for a secretary. She let herself fall into one of the plush chairs that lined the wall next to the desk. "Oh you did... I'm sorry honey... I know that you work hard so that you sleep better in the afternoon, but... don't you think you might be working yourself to-" At this point, the blonde secretary paused, her blue eyes flashing lightly.

"To what Barbera? Go on and say it. 'To death'. Just because I work with the undead and the otherworldly doesn't mean that I can't enjoy an old saying." Jen spoke bitterly, anger rising slightly in her voice.

Barbera turned away, back to her computer where a screen saver of naked men were dancing. She blushed furiously and moved the mouse. Jen couldn't help but half smile. "Well I know that didn't come standard with the system..." She stood up and grabbed her black suitcase. "What, are we now paying you to download porn?" She chuckled lightly as she moved past the desk and into the hall where there were three heavy doors with name plaques next to them. She passed by the first two, one of the doors closed with lights under it; the second open where a pale man with high, hollow cheek bones sat behind a desk working on a laptop. She opened the third one, threw her black leather jacket on the couch, her briefcase on the large metallic desk, and sat down in the pleather computer chair with a sigh. Plugging in her laptop, she clicked on an icon on her desktop that highly resembled a pixelated lollipop. A patch of carpet next to her desk started smoking lightly, which didn't last for long. Quickly the smoke began to swirl and flare upwards until it was a full 7'5". Swirling faster and growing thicker it suddenly disappeared, and a huge man stood where the smoke was. His shoulders were broad and he had a barrel-like chest; with arms like huge trunks of sinew and muscle, he was a veritable giant. He had hair that jutted up and then slicked back, each chunk either white, blue, or purple; with tatoos marring his dark skinned face. Huge bands of black leather covered almost half of his forearms, spikes and small razors sticking out of the textured material. Baggy black pants of a nondescript fabric were cinched with a black harness of sorts that crossed the tight muscle shirt that covered his huge chest. All in all, he looked like a proffesional Asian mosher. Jen went on as if nothing had happened. "Morning Candy."

A small scowl crossed the man's face. "Reso not like nickname. Wish master would not call Reso that."

Jen's lips twitched upwards. "You call me master, I call you Candy. Until you can learn to call me Jen, I will continue to call you Candy. Get used to it you big lump. That, or dye your hair a normal color."

He ran his huge hand subconsiously through his multi-colored locks. "Reso thought master liked colored hair..."

She smiled at this display of humble humanity. "I never said I didn't like it, I just said that until you changed it or stopped calling me master, I was--no wait, I am going to call you Candy." He fell silent as she contined to work feverishly on her lap top, her brow becoming more and more furrowed the longer she sat there. Reso, for his part, didn't move at all, but merely stood there looking imposing and intimidating. After a few minutes of that, Jen leaned back in her chair and sighed, looking at the phone expectantly. As if knowing what she wanted, the phone rang and she picked it up obediantly, cradling it against her head. A resonating tenor voice that positively vibrated with power and wisdom spoke clearly in her ear.

"Good morning my Hounds, did you all sleep well last night?" Jen snorted derisively into the phone, and she could hear the breathing of the other two who always received the same conferance call nightly in their own offices. One of them spoke, his voice low and almost like a hiss. "Get on with it Gabriel, some of us have work to do." He drew out the S's in each word to a snake like effect.

"Do not get impatient with me young Vlad. It is thanks to me that you do not burn in Purgetory with your father. Show some respect." The tension was nearly tangible as he replied hissingly, "Yes sir..."

"Good, now that we have that sorted out, let us get down to business. There is a warehouse on 79th street; it was abandoned until some young man stumbled into a very large sum of money after his father's untimely death, and decided to purchase it. He turned it into a raver club, and as we well know, paperwork must be filed so that we can get the building secured. He filed no paperwork, and it now has a bit of a bat problem that must be exterminated, if you know what I mean. Vlad, I'm sending you as firepower. You're still new here, but just think of this as target practice. But as a precaution, in case there is more to this than just a simple infestation, I'm sending Jen along with you. Brant will stay behind to make sure that any walk-ins are taken care of and schedueled appropriately."

There was a unanimous chorus of "Yes sir" and then the phone went dead. Shoving her laptop back into her bag, she went over the small closet and slid the door open. Reso walked over without being beckoned and entered the small space and grabbed the two metal handles that were attached to the bare wall at the back of the empty closet. Walking slowly backwards, the wall came with him, revealing a long tray on wheels filled with weapons, clothes, and other things that need not describing at this moment. Jen reached out and grabbed one of the small silver bladed knives and tore at her clothes. If she was going to a raver club, she had to look like a raver. After sprucing up a bit in the ornate full lengh mirror on her wall, she felt satisfied that she would look like a raver. She motioned to Reso, who in turn grabbed a cross harness much like his, and fastened it tightly on her body. He picked up a couple of hand guns, one made of pure silver, the other encrusted with onyx, made sure they were loaded, and slipped them into their holders on either of her hips. He loaded their ammo on her belt as well as a few silver throwing daggers. She shrugged a lightweight but baggy trenchcoat on to hide the weapons. Reso for his part fastened two sheaths onto his back, crossed, as well as one on each hip. Into them he loaded two black bladed scimitars and two silver bladed butcher swords. Jen grabbed a couple of small black leather bags loaded with little items and hooked them onto her belt beneath the coat. They walked out of her office prepared, and headed to Barbera to wait for Vlad. As the office door shut behind her with a click, a small tasteful plaque reflected in the light.

'Jenessa Sanders, Slayer of the Undead and Vanquisher of Darkness.'

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Why am I writing a Buffy-esque story about rapists and satanists? Because it's cool, that's why you whores. ^^ I don't know if I'll continue it anymore, but I might. I don't know what'll happen, or why, but I might continue it. I've kind of got an idea of what I want... *WARNING--SPOILER TASTIC! If you actually want to read this as it goes like it were a book or... well, more like a written TV show where you only get bits and peices, then don't read these next parts, cause they'll give the rest of the story away. Oh yeah, and if you like it, have criticism, or think this crap, let me know, I'd like to know. Cause I don't know whether I want to keep writing it or not. Thanks!*

The city is in a huge financial slump, and while the poor work for sweat the rich play with fire; satanic fire. Jen was raped when she was a young teen, and wanted to go into law to fight stuff like that, until she realized that it was a corrupt and horrible business, and the right people never win. Not in Corperate America. So since she could not fight the men that are demons, she decided to fight the demons that pose as men, and demons in general. Of course, in her society, demons and angels and things like that aren't exactly well known. She became strong, trained hard, and now works for an arc angel called Gabriel along side Vlad and Brant, with her lackey Reso. You'll find out soon enough that Reso is actually one of the more powerful demons, a Raven of the Order of the Serpent. (Don't worry, I'm still trying to figure out what that means too.) Vlad is half demon half angel. His father was a demon and his mother was an angel, and he was the result. So he is torn between being good and evil, and for now, he is on the good side. He is very depressing and kind of a jerk because of the fact that his father was a demon. He would probably be evil as well if his father hadn't killed his mother right in front of his young tender eyes. He has wings, which is pretty cool, but they are black, leathery feathers. A trippy hybrid if you ask me. Brant is just... well, Brant. He'll end up being part of the comedy relief, and quite possibly the love interest. I'm not sure yet. Um... Yeah. I'm thinking Gabriel will end up being kidnapped by the underworld, and an overlord of sorts will be behind it, but the twist? The head overlord is a mortal. He was a business man, ruthless, owns countless corperations and the likes. Well, he wanted power other than just money, so he sold his 'innocence' to Satan for it. The deal was that Satan would only increase whatever evil was already in the man. Well, since the guy was unnaturally evil, I mean, no mortal had ever been this evil EVER, Satan got duped and ended up making this guy all powerful. So he took over the underworld, slew Satan, and now wants Heaven too. So Gabriel's gone and the three freak out and have to figure out what's going on and how to kill the guy. I think Vlad will end up turning evil for a while and then come back after realizing that evil only begets evil, it doesn't reform, it doesn't refine, it only destroys and diseases. Poor guy. So yeah. I think that's the basic plot. Whatev. I'm out, yo.

~Alisa

(c) Alisa Green. See that? Copyrighted. Don't even THINK of touching this unless you have my explicit permission. Cause I'll hunt you down and kill you. Cause I can do that. ^.^

Well, as usual, my life has picked up more speed than I can handle. My father brought me a business idea. This is two in less than a month, besides the one I was actually working on with the stupid fireworks stand. Mind you, I'm barely sixteen an I'm already being sought after by companies. So, I still want to do the music thing with Mary (And if you don't know what I'm talking about, good. The more secrecy, the better. (It's an advertising strategy. Sometimes you want a ton of prequel advertising, and other times you just want to blow it out all at once. This is one of the latter times.)) Because I really think that could just explode. I mean, it would be like dropping a nuclear bomb of SUCCESS right in the center of Spanish Fork. It would ripple all the way up to Magna, and all the way down to St George, I would hope. Maybe even farther, depending on how well we can manage it. And trust me, between the two of us, it will just... INCINERATE everything within it's radius. Oooh it gives me goosebumps just -thinking- about it!

Anyways, this new one I'm going to want a lot of built up advertising to. I really think I'm going to do it, if we can figure out a way legally. See, you have to be eighteen in order to be a distributor of Juice Plus+, but I'm not. So I'm going to see if I can't talk my mother into being the name and the face, and letting me be the hands and the mouth. You know, let me do the work and move the product, but let her be the one the governmet sees the cheap bastards. Sorry, I'm on a "Coperate America SUCKS" kick. Um, where was I? Ah yes... And the way the company that I would be going into would work, I would be making money up the kazoo. ESPECIALLY since I would be selling such a wonderful God given product! Not a wonder drug, I mean, trust me. It's not going to cure you or make you lose weight only to put it back on. It merely will help you live life the way God intended. What the hell am I talking about? Lend an ear:

Do you wake up tired, exhausted, cranky, and all around like you drank WAY too much last night? You feeling like you need to go see a docter for depression so you can get on meds? Wanna know the easier, HEALTHIER way? Come to me my little minions. Cause I fought depression WITHOUT the manufactured meds. I can control my bipolar WITHOUT the meds. How? Juice Plus+. People today wake up with a runny nose and crusty eyes and run to the drug store to pop pills to fix it. We as Americans are in a paradigm of spiraling destruction. We eat because we are depressed, and we are depressed because we eat. It wouldn't be a problem if we were getting our essential fruits and vegetables, but we aren't! I mean, honestly, how many of you are sitting at your computers reading this and there is a McDonald's wrapper or a soda can of some sort near you. Just fess up and tell the truth man. I'll admit it, I don't sit down and eat salads and fruits all day like I would need to if I wanted to get my essentials. It's just an inconveniance and doesn't taste NEARLY as good as a KFC honey barbecue chicken sandwhich SMOTHERED in sauce. Ok, I'm just going off on random tangents here. Bottom line?

Juice Plus+ has a lot of facts about it that I don't know by heart yet. But I will. For now, let us just suffice with the fact that I KNOW it works, and can help you live life the way God intended it. Without worrying about eating like a rabbit. I'll get more details on it later, but if things go according to plan, I'll be making anywhere from a thousand or more a month within two or three years. Not bad for a highschool student. OO! Add to that pay what I'll be making from the music biznass.... Woohoo!

Anyways, when I'm rich and famous, don't worry, I'll remember the little people. At least, I'll remember my rats...

~Alisa

I've kissed a member of the opposite sex.

Welp, I'm a moron. Totally and officially. Remember that razor blade? The one I found the other day and couldn't throw away? Yeah. I couldn't help myself, I... I used it. Again. Cutting is like alcoholism; you're always going be a cutter, the difference is whether you're on the wagon or not. And the strange part is... I knew exactly what I was doing when I did it. I was fully conscious of my actions and the consequences. But I did it anyways. Just to know I could still feel that pain, that my blood was still red, that I was still human. It was so... Odd. I didn't feel that rush of adrenaline like I used to, or that twinge of depression. Just... stagnant apathy. Like I didn't care one way or another, I just had to have that knowledge. If you're reading this, or know me or my mother, than don't tell her. She has no right to know. This is my battle, and her sticking her nose into it will do nothing but cause grief, money, pain, sorrow, and a whole lot of agony. No good can come of her knowing. I don't need psychological help; I've already got the knowledge I need. What I need is to just stop myself. This is a battle between me and myself, not me and some unresolved past or something. Don't ask to see them; I'll be offended. Just let me be and fight this battle. This is my online JOURNAL, remember that? So I'm trying to be as honest in here as I can so that when my posterity finds this, they'll know how I am. Don't betray my trust and make me start making all of my entries 'Just Me'. I'll be saddened.

Not that you care as to whether you know what I'm thinking or not.

But I suppose it's worth a try.

So just be there for me. Ok?

~Alisa

PS: Going back down to St George again tommorow night for General Conference.

Oh, but I forgot to mention... I did end up throwing the blade out my window. I have no idea where it is now, and I have no plans on using any other objects against my skin. So good news for that, neh?

~Alisa

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you've just been punched in the stomach by a guy wearing brass knuckles? Yeah, I just had one of those. I found out one of my best friends (who shall remain nameless (and don't try to speculate, my friends range into multiple groups, religion, states, and age)) was discovered fondling his girlfriend while she was napping on his couch last night. To say the least, I am sick to my stomach. This particular 'friend' has never been quite to my liking, always being egotistical, arrogant, selfish, and manipulative, not to mention disrespectful. This is not the first time this has happened. The first time, it was far less severe and we all shrugged it off as male hormones. This time it is unexcusable.

It is guys like him that abused me when I was in the Daycare; guys like him who grow up and become child molesters. I am reviled, disgusted, and sickened. Moreover by the fact that she was not awake when he did it! He took complete advantage over her, the woman he so desperately (appparently) loves. If he really loved her, he would never have done that to her. I'm trying to find it in my heart to be Christ like, to love and forgive him despite what he did to her. However, I am having a hard enough time just steeling myself for the next time I see him, so that I don't flat out deck him in the face or rearrange his lower regions. Any advice out there? I could sure use it... I am so reviled right now... I feel like I need to scrub my skin with a Brillo pad...

~Alisa

This is a song in Japanese about eating children.

Japanese:

Hittori, Futari, Sannin no komodo
Yonin, Gonin, Rokunin no komodo
Nananin, Hachinin, Kyuunin no komodo
Juunin komodo!
Musha musha musha musha komodo wa oishi
Musha musha musha musha komodo wa oishi
Musha musha musha musha komodo wa oishi
Komodo wa oishinee!

English Translation

1 person 2 person 3 person children I have
4 person 5 person 6 person children I have
7 person 8 person 9 person children I have
Ten person children!
Eat eat eat eat children taste so good
Eat eat eat eat children taste so good
Eat eat eat eat children taste so good
Children taste so good (exclamation)!!!

I just though you'd all like to know that.... *satan*

~Alisa

Okay, that's it. No more mincing words, no more Mrs. Nice Alisa. I hate her. I hate her I hate her I hate her. I hate her like I've hated no one else in my whole life before. She's a complete idiot! I don't understand how I could live with her, how I HAVE lived with her. My friend is setting her body clock forward because she is an insomniac, really bad. So they're trying it without drugs by making her stay up later, like last night she couldn't go to sleep till four thirty in the morning. She asked me to help her last night to stay up. My mother, once she heard that was all "That's stupid. That would never work. They're not setting her body clock forward, they're pushing it backwards." AUGH! It makes perfect sense that she should progressively go to bed later and later until it pushes her body clock back to where it should be! Whether it's backwards or forwards, it doesn't matter, you're still going to get to the same place if you're going in a circle.

I'm going over to Pete's tonight to help decorate and probably get to hang out on the drums a little bit as well. So I got a little dressed up in my own style, a tie, a tee shirt, my trench, my fishnet gloves and my beanie. She said I looked like a moron and while it would be good for Halloween, that's not in a month. What should she care about how I dress so long as I'm modest?! I mean, Good Gawd woman, what's the big deal with me dressing differently?!

The other part time admin I work with has put in her notice. Which means I'm screwed. She, for some reason, doesn't understand this and how it's going to affect me. Well let's see... Because there were three of us Admin, there were always going to be at least 2 of us here a day. Which would be nice, as we're getting bowled over with files and work. Now that's she's quitting, I'm screwed, as they'll probably give me all of her hours. I don't want to work more than I do right now. She doesn't get how that affects me? BAKA! I'm about ready to haul off and smack some sense into her!

And the house... I don't know how she lives in that mess and it bothers me. I can't wait to move out. My house will be clean. So she didn't give me a list of things to do today, and she came home to pick me up from work and was all "you didn't do anything." I was upset because she hadn't given me a list. "Well open up your eyes and use some common sense you idiot!" I just don't like working my butt off to clean her filth up and then have her mess it all up again in less than an hour. She doesn't understand the meaning of clean. I stopped caring a long time ago about what her house looks like. It's going to be my house that matters.

So now, because I "don't care about anyone but" myself, she's probably not going to let me go to the Anime Con in May, and isn't going to let me do anything extra until I do. Fat lot of good that's going to do, that's just going to make me care less.

Oh, and get this. She thinks that taking me around to places like my friends and letting me do stuff is extra, and that she doesn't have to let me do that. Isn't that kind of part of her fscking job?! I'm exceptionally pissed off right now and am SICK of taking her crap. It pisses me off that she's so... STUPID and doesn't understand anything I tell her! It's like she has jello for brains, or worse!

In case you're wondering, who am I talking about?

My fscking mother.

~Alisa

I found a shaved ice cup in the trash can here at work. It's October. The Shaved Ice stand hasn't been open for months.

I'm concerned to say the least.

In case you haven't noticed yet, all of my blog tags are "Zebra". If you ever want to find me quickly on Mindsay, search the tags for Zebra, and I'll come up. As it were, I'm one of the only ones to ever use that tag. ^^ YAY ME!

~Alisa

You don't think I love you, do you?! You think this is just a joke, don't you?! I'M NOT KIDDING SHLIN, my heart is your's! I love you! LOVE YOU!!!!!!

*tear*

*tear*

~Alisa

In case you were wondering about that last post, I lied. It was all a joke.

If you were enough of a moron to not know that the first time... then go staple your tongue too. Sounds like fun, neh?

~Alisa

So guess where I am? Still at work. At this time of night. It's always different when it's dark out...

I have a stack full of papers that I still have to get through before I can go home. I feel like crap. I wanna crawl into a huge hole and just... die.

Took a magazine to school today about video games. Got talked to because of the magazine.

Browneyedbeauty, whomever you are, if you read this, my voicemail message is in spanish. I'm sorry, but it is for now. I <3 you.

You too Sheyla, and everyone else out there that comments on me, and leaves me nice little notes, like Joshy. I <3 you all. ^^

~Alisa

Bodies Riddled With Bullets Make Good Distractions

Shuddering beneath the weight

Of what you've done

Can you even bear to face me

I don't tolerate traitors

The blood on your face

Isn't your's

You take what you can't have

By the blade of your axe

The destruction you've caused

Can never be healed

Because your venom has no antidote

Smile on the brink of insanity

Look logic in the face

And promise to be honest

Then break their necks

And leave their bodies

As proof

That there is no God

We were a society

We were a theocracy

Until you showed up

Now let us all suffer

For your mistakes

Retribution is swift

And there is no mercy for those who have no honor

Can you die for what you believe in

When what you believe in

Is a void of nothingness

Encased in darkness

You murdered the men

Raped the women

And left the children for dead

Do you even know what you are

What you've become

What you will be

Hatred is seperating

Greed is denying

Lust is destroying

And we as a nation are perishing beneath the weight of our own sins

Traitors like you get more than they deserve

I'll be the one to clean up your mess

You just get to sleep

So here's your gift

From me to you

A bullet

(Sound of a silenced bullet. Like on 007 GoldenEye! I love that game... ^^)

(C)Alisa Green. No touch.

When Someone Falls Why Do We Laugh?

You pinned me up for target practice

Painted a smile on my unwilling face

Placed a hat on my head

A scepter in my hand

And called me king of the place

I was just a jester to you

Another clown in your court of farce

Fed me lies of poison

Till I was trapped

Entangled in those eyes of vermillion

These strings that you attatched to me

Are cutting into my skin

I'm bleeding from my soul and heart

Yet I'm still dancing to your beat

You paint the makeup on thicker

Trying to make my frown dissapear

But makeup can't cover

The damage you've caused

My heart was once your's

No more

I've broken the threads of captivity

I see the light now

I see your soul

I see who you really are

I won't become another thread

In your tapestry of deceit

No more music

No more makup

Just you and me

On judgement day

Both standing on pillars

On opposite sides

The world below us

Let's fight baby girl

I know your weaknesses

I know your faults

I know what it is you see in crimson

When you close your eyes to sleep

I know the nightmare that haunts you

Written in the shadows on your walls

Because it's the same one that haunts me

(C) Alisa Green. No touch.

Thrones Of Ice Rule Nothing But Darkness

When it comes to heartbreak

Some say I know nothing

And yet if you take the time

To get close enough

You'll realize there's nothing left of my heart

But the fragments

Being a pillar

In a world of hate

Isn't something I boast about

It's something I loathe

In the cold winter nights

When there's no one warm for me to turn to

Loneliness is what people die of

Not bullets, not fires, not knives

By the time the bullet pierces them

Their souls have already left

And the tears they've cried

Are their testament

Of ever living

Standing at an armlength

You can't break what you can't touch

I'll keep my soul in tact

And you can watch

From behind the glass

Take my words of wisdom

And leave

This is the death I choose

Clean and bloodless

I just go to sleep

And pray to God

That I never wake up

Loneliness is what people die of

Not bullets, not fires, not knives

By the time the bullet peirces them

Their souls have already left

And the tears they've cried

Are their testament

Of ever living

And though I'm lost

There are others out there

Just as cold

Just as frozen

And just as close to death

So open up

And take them in

Save both yourself

And someone else

It's survival of the fittest

So depend on someone else my love

Because I'm already over the edge

(Sound of fluttering cloth and wind)

I'll post a real update later, when I'm not at work.

I'll like, usher in the new year and all that jazz.

(And all that jazz!)

Sorry, I've had musicals on the brain for the past month. I need to see Chicago again! I miss it... *weeps*

<----- Me, when I get more practice on my bass...

~Alisa: Because I'm bored...

(Lights up, there are nine chairs, each one a little different, in a semi circle. The steel folding chair, which has a tattered hat on the floor next to it, is being occupied by an older man, slumped over asleep with his chin in his hand, his elbow on his knee. He snorts, his elbow slips, and he smacks his chops as he blinks his eyes owlishly. Yawns, and stretches. There are audible cracks of bones. He shakes his grizzled head and closes his eyes again as he lays back. Stretches one leg out. Stretches the other leg out. Slides out of the chair onto his rear with a thud. Places his hands behind his head and tries to sleep like that. Continues in this manner for a few more minutes until he finally lays out in the center of the circle, his head in his arms, and falls asleep. We hear footsteps off stage.)

JACQUE

(Enters from stage left, looking over his shoulder. Is about twenty two, but looks like he's thirty nine. He is dressed in tattered rags and wears a filthy beanie. He looks like a hobo, and is hunched over as he walks. One of his legs seems to be stiff.)

Honeshtly, for being a big shity of repute like our'sh, you would think dey could afford a better transhportation shyshtem.

(Enter Mariana, a Spanish beauty. She is dressed a worn down dress of red with black ruffles. She is smiling as she listens to Jacque rant.)

An hour to get ter fifth! A bloody hou-

(Trips over the man sleeping on the floor. Catches himself on one of the chairs with arms.)

MARIANA

(Rushes forward to help Jacque. Hoists him up onto his feet.)

Careful there Jacque, we'd hate to have another accident before you've had the chance to play your part.

JACQUE

(Brushes her off.)

Olaf, why do ye inshisht on shleeping in de middle o' de floor?

OLAF

(Raises his head from his arms on the floor.)

I take it I'm done sleeping, now that the drunkard is here...

(Rolls over onto his back, scratches his stomach and looks up at Mariana.)

Ah, my fair lady, you are a sight for sore eyes.

MARIANA

(Reaches down and offers her hand and helps Olaf up from off the floor.)

How was your night?

OLAF

(Brushing himself off. He is in a tattered over coat and fingerless gloves.)

Well, as good as it can be when you wake up at every single blasted noise. I suppose better than most of the other times I've spent the night here though.

MARIANA

We all must take our turns. You never know when he'll come.

JACQUE

I'll have you know I'm not a drunkard... I jusht like the drinksh.

LAURIE

(Enters from right. She is in a tasteful pants suit. Well taken care of.)

Did I hear drinks? Did someone finally decide to bring some wine to this occassion?

OLAF

Laurie, you know you can't have the drinks. You're on the wagon now, remember?

LAURIE

You're right, as usual. I had forgotten.

(Sits in the black leather office chair.)

OLAF

(Reclines back in his steel chair.)

You chose not to remember. You never forget anything.

JACQUE

(Sits on the filthy wooden box.)

She fergot de wine, apparently.

MARIANA

(Sits in the white wicker chair.)

If we decided to drink every time we were together, we'd never be sober.

PERNICUS

(Enters from left. He is dressed in a tweed jacket, a pair of spectacles in his pocket, and a book in his hand.)

An astute decleration my Spanish beauty.

(Kisses her hand and sits on the stone bench.)

Did I miss anything?

MARIANA

Must you always make reference to my nationality?

LAURIE

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were racist...

OLAF

But you do know better.

LAURIE

Of course.

JACQUE

What booksh you readin' today, shmart shtuff?

PERNICUS

(Lifts it and looks at the cover.)

"Waiting For Godot" by Samuel Beckett.

OLAF

What's it about?

PERNICUS

(Looks at him and sets the book down.)

Nothing.

MARIANA

Nothing?

LAURIE

If you didn't want to tell us, you could have just said that.

PERNICUS

No, really, it's about nothing!

JACQUE

I had heard it wash allegorical. Shomething about Jesush, and de two thievesh he wash hung wif.

(They all turn to look at him, as he is trying to fit inside of his box.)

What?

LAURIE

(Is in shock.)

You ARE a hobo, right?

JACQUE

(Shrugs and continues to try and curl up in his box.)

I shleep in der libery on Fridaysh.

LAURIE OLAF MARIANA PERNICUS

(All let out a simultaneous oh and nod.)

Oh...

PERNICUS

No, actually, Beckett wrote it just to prove that there can be plays about absolutely nothing. He wrote it without any purpose. Of course, that doesn't stop people from trying to derive meanings from it...

LAURIE

So it means nothing, but there can't be just two hundred pages of pure blank... What's the setting?

PERNICUS

Hard to say. It's basically just two guys who are waiting for Godot. You never actually find out why, or if he ever comes.

OLAF

Sounds like us...

MARIANA

But we know who we're waiting for.

LAURIE

And why.

JACQUE

(Stops struggling with the box. Eventually settles to just let his head sit in the box.)

We do?

MARIANA

Jacque, were you drinking again last night?

JACQUE

Are the L-Trainsh effishient?

PERNICUS

No... They're always late and are behind schedule. Not to mention they break every health code in the book...

OLAF

Good one Jacque. There's your answer Mariana.

JACQUE

That shtill doeshn't ansher my queshtion.

LAURIE

We're waiting for our script.

PERNICUS

Who's writing it again?

LAURIE

Duane Cartier, I think is his name.

JACQUE

Why are we waiting for a shcript again?

MARIANA

Because we're actors Jacque.

OLAF
The acting troupe you signed up for? Remember?

PERNICUS

Ah yes, back when we were worthy of the title of troupe...

OLAF

What did we call ourselves again?

JACQUE

The Kingsh Men.

LAURIE

That's right...

(They all collectively sigh.)

MARIANA

Where are the others? We always meet at eleven, don't we?

LAURIE

I thought it was ten.

OLAF

I wouldn't know, it was my turn last night. I lost track of time after about three in the morning when Crazy Boz finally got kicked out of Morton's. She was pretty wasted. I'm surprised you guys didn't find her dead in gutter when you came in.

PERNICUS

No, she was still breathing when I passed her.

JACQUE

Me too.

MARIANA

I guess it's a bit late to ask this, but he didn't come with the script, did he?

OLAF

Of course not dearie. That would have been the first thing I said when you walked in.

MARIANA

(Is a little frustrated. Stands up, agitated.)

I didn't get the chance to eat breakfast, mind if I run down to the diner and grab a little something to eat?

OLAF

You know that you're always free to do as you please.

JACQUE

Don't go ter Vito'sh, it'sh fish n' chipsh day. I hear it'sh sho rank, even the shlummers won't touch them.

LAURIE

Aren't you a slummer Jacque?

JACQUE

Naw, I'm shophishticated. I's got classh. I'mma high classh bum.

LAURIE

Ah.

MARIANA

(Chuckles.)

Thanks Jacque. I'm going to hit up Dion's then.

(Exits.)

OLAF

Where on earth are the others?

PERNICUS

(Pulls out his book and proceeds to read.)

Probably held up at the subway station, as usual.

LAURIE

I'm not so sure. Maybe they got arrested for drunken debauchery.

JACQUE

Dey ain't gotsh der money to get drunk enough for debaushery.

OLAF

He has a point.

JACQUE

Dey's lucky if'n dey can afford to get here.

LAURIE

Except for maybe Reggie...

JACQUE

Yeah, but he'sh alwaysh wif de sluts.

OLAF

You really are sober Jacque.

JACQUE

I toldsh you.

PERNICUS

(Frustrated, stands up and slams his book shut.)

Must you insist on the lisp Jacque?

JACQUE

(Suddenly speaks with a french accent.)

I'm sorry Perny, was I bothering you?

PERNICUS

You do it everyday when we all know you don't talk like that, even when you're drunk!

OLAF

Pernicus, what's gotten into you?

PERNICUS

I'm going outside for some air...

(Exits.)

OLAF

Gosh, I wonder what's gotten into him?

LAURIE

Scriptitis.

JACQUE

Perfectly understandable.

OLAF

Ah yes... the lack of written direction is driving him crazy. Poor guy.

LAURIE

So really Jacque, what's with the lisp? I've wondered, but I've never asked.

JACQUE

(Shrugs.)

I don't know. I guess I figured as long as I'm living like a hobo, I might as well sound like one too.

OLAF

Actor's instinct?

JACQUE

Yeah, I guess you could call it that.

LAURIE

And now the French accent?

JACQUE

(Now has a normal, clear, American voice.)

It's the name. 'Jacque' just has certain pretenses that are rather difficult to get through. Red tape and other such things that just can't be surpassed.

LAURIE

It's good to see you smile again though. Ever since May left you...

OLAF

(Looks at his watchless wrist.)

Isn't it a bit early in the afternoon to be bringing this up?

JACQUE

Enough!

LAURIE

My point is, you haven't smiled.

JACQUE

Would you?

OLAF

Yes. But that's only because I'm an-

REGGIE

An actor, we all know that by now Olaf.

(Enters from right. He is handsome, clean shaven, and dressed in dirty work clothes.)

Well strike me dead if I've ever seen a more sorry bunch. Where are the others?

LAURIE

Hell if I know.

JACQUE

I thought we had decided they were dead?

OLAF

No, that was Crazy Boz.

JACQUE

Oh yeah.

(Looks up at Reggie.)

Hey, how was work?

REGGIE

(Sits down on the orange plastic chair.)

Strike me dead if it wasn't the longest night I've ever seen. We had three of the steel reinforcements bite the dust in that storm, and if we hadn't gotten there when we did, the building was likely to collapse.

LAURIE

Well that would have proved to be...

(Pauses, as if searching for the word)

JACQUE

Problematic?

OLAF

Complicating?

REGGIE

Hellacious?

PERNICUS

(Enters from left)

Are you guys playing the word game without me?

REGGIE

Well strike me dead if you aren't the ugliest bookworm I've ever beheld!

OLAF LAURIE JACQUE

(All groan.)

PERNICUS

(Sits down on his stone bench.)

Alright Reggie, for the last and final time, we are all proud of you for reading An Enemy Of The People...

LAURIE

And while we all understand that you reading a book like that is a huge accomplishment...

OLAF

Ibsen, as excellent of a writer as he may be...

JACQUE

Is not your writer, so shut the hell up!

REGGIE

Well Jesus, talk about bursting a guy's bubble...

OLAF

We don't mean to.

JACQUE

(Looks up at him from his place on the floor.)
Speak for yourself.

LAURIE

Reggie wouldn't know an insult if it was shoving rocks up his nostrails while dancing naked on his desk.

REGGIE

I have a desk?

JACQUE

It's a metaphor.

REGGIE

Oh.

PERNICUS

The only thing he'd really be noticing was the blatent nudity of said insult.

REGGIE

Are you guys talking about me again as if I'm not here?

OLAF

Did you say something?

REGGIE

(Stands up, angry and misunderstanding the joke.)

You know, I come in here, trying to support you and help you out, and hoping that maybe something will have changed, but it hasn't! You're all still the same damn cynics!

OLAF

(Standing up, a smile on his face, he places a placating hand on Reggie's huge muscled shoulder.)

Friend, I sometimes wonder if all those late nights have rattled your brains. Sit, please. We were merely joking.

PERNICUS

My deepest apologies if you've taken offense to our colloquy...

REGGIE

(Sits back down and scratches his head in puzzlement.)

Koala what?

PERNICUS

Colloquy.

LAURIE

Clarify, please.

JACQUE

What does it matter? It's some fancy word for conversation.

REGGIE

Really?

PERNICUS

(Is a little surprised.)

Yeah, actually... How did you know that Jacque?

JACQUE

(Shrugs and burrows in a meloncholy cloud into his box.)

You hear a lot of weird words on the streets.

LAURIE

(Her watch goes off.)

Damn, I'm late for my meeting. I'll be back by five.

(Stands and heads towards the exit in a hurry.)

REGGIE

Be safe!

(Waves after her. She waves her arm dismissively and exits.)

She's a wonderful woman. Why isn't she taken?

JACQUE

(Snorts from his box.)

Because she's a lesbian.

REGGIE

(Gets all wide-eyed.)

Really?

PERNICUS

God no! Jacque, what kinds of ideas are you placing in his head?

JACQUE

Don't tell me you haven't thought it too! Her hair is short cut in a very butch style, she's attractive yet single, she's in business, and always in those damn suits. You've thought it! You can't tell me you hav-

OLAF

(As if coming out of a cloud of pensiveness.)

Enough!

PERNICUS

Olaf?

OLAF

(Pause.)

Look, I know Laurie may... seem like she fits the profile... but that's not the case...

JACQUE

(Off-handedly.)

What, did you two date?

OLAF

No. (Pause.) But I took her out to dinner one night, when she seemed particularly down.

REGGIE

Time of the month?

JACQUE

I thought it was always her time of the month?

PERNICUS

It's rude to talk about people when they aren't here to defend themselves.

OLAF

Look, you want it straight, Laurie was... she was engaged to a handsome young Baron. An English gent as far as I recall. Well, when it came down to the night before the wedding, she found a note from him, detailing of the woman he'd met at his firm a few hours before. He was flying off with the Jap to live with her and become a Shinto priest.

REGGIE

And now she's a lesbian?

JACQUE

So now she's a bitter ol' bitch and throws herself into her work to soothe her aching heart.

PERNICUS

(Sincerely.)

How tragic.

JACQUE

(Snorts.)

How pathetic is more like it.

REGGIE

What the hell Jacque? You were fine earlier...

JACQUE

(Is silent.)

[A/N: Hey there guys, part II is here. I know I've reposted it since the beginning again, but that's only because I've made a few slight changes. Slight, but their there for anyone who wants to go through and find them. Plus the new update. I showed this to my class and they liked it decently enough. I got enough laughs at least. Anyways... here you go.]

(Lights up, there are nine chairs, each one a little different, in a semi circle. The steel folding chair, which has a tattered hat on the floor next to it, is being occupied by an older man, slumped over asleep with his chin in his hand, his elbow on his knee. He snorts, his elbow slips, and he smacks his chops as he blinks his eyes owlishly. Yawns, and stretches. There are audible cracks of bones. He shakes his grizzled head and closes his eyes again as he lays back. Stretches one leg out. Stretches the other leg out. Slides out of the chair onto his rear with a thud. Places his hands behind his head and tries to sleep like that. Continues in this manner for a few more minutes until he finally lays out in the center of the circle, his head in his arms, and falls asleep. We hear footsteps off stage.)

JACQUE

(Enters from stage left, looking over his shoulder. Is about twenty two, but looks like he's thirty nine. He is dressed in tattered rags and wears a filthy beanie. He looks like a hobo, and is hunched over as he walks. One of his legs seems to be stiff.)

Honeshtly, for being a big shity of repute like our'sh, you would think dey could afford a better transhportation shyshtem.

(Enter Mariana, a Spanish beauty. She is dressed a worn down dress of red with black ruffles. She is smiling as she listens to Jacque rant.)

An hour to get ter fifth! A bloody hou-

(Trips over the man sleeping on the floor. Catches himself on one of the chairs with arms.)

MARIANA

(Rushes forward to help Jacque. Hoists him up onto his feet.)

Careful there Jacque, we'd hate to have another accident before you've had the chance to play your part.

JACQUE

(Brushes her off.)

Olaf, why do ye inshisht on shleeping in de middle o' de floor?

OLAF

(Raises his head from his arms on the floor.)

I take it I'm done sleeping, now that the drunkard is here...

(Rolls over onto his back, scratches his stomach and looks up at Mariana.)

Ah, my fair lady, you are a sight for sore eyes.

MARIANA

(Reaches down and offers her hand and helps Olaf up from off the floor.)

How was your night?

OLAF

(Brushing himself off. He is in a tattered over coat and fingerless gloves.)

Well, as good as it can be when you wake up at every single blasted noise. I suppose better than most of the other times I've spent the night here though.

MARIANA

We all must take our turns. You never know when he'll come.

JACQUE

I'll have you know I'm not a drunkard... I jusht like the drinksh.

LAURIE

(Enters from right. She is in a tasteful pants suit. Well taken care of.)

Did I hear drinks? Did someone finally decide to bring some wine to this occassion?

OLAF

Laurie, you know you can't have any alchohol. You're on the wagon now, remember?

LAURIE

You're right, as usual. I had forgotten.

(Sits in the black leather office chair.)

OLAF

(Reclines back in his steel chair.)

You chose not to remember. You never forget anything.

JACQUE

(Sits on the filthy wooden box.)

She fergot de wine, apparently.

MARIANA

(Sits in the white wicker chair.)

If we decided to drink every time we were together, we'd never be sober.

PERNICUS

(Enters from left. He is dressed in a tweed jacket, a pair of spectacles in his pocket, and a book in his hand.)

An astute decleration my Spanish beauty.

(Kisses her hand and sits on the stone bench.)

Did I miss anything?

MARIANA

Must you always make reference to my nationality?

LAURIE

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were racist...

OLAF

But you do know better.

LAURIE

Of course.

JACQUE

What booksh you readin' today, shmart shtuff?

PERNICUS

(Lifts it and looks at the cover.)

It's this new book I got.

OLAF

What's it about?

PERNICUS

(Looks at him and sets the book down.)

Nothing.

MARIANA

Nothing?

LAURIE

If you didn't want to tell us, you could have just said that.

PERNICUS

No, really, it's about nothing!

JACQUE

Hey yeash... I heard aboutsh that one, I think. I had heard it wash allegorical. Shomething about Jesush, and de two thievesh he wash hung wif.

(They all turn to look at him, as he is trying to fit inside of his box.)

What?

LAURIE

(Is in shock.)

You ARE a hobo, right?

JACQUE

(Shrugs and continues to try and curl up in his box.)

I shleep in der libery on Fridaysh.

LAURIE OLAF MARIANA PERNICUS

(All let out a simultaneous oh and nod.)

Oh...

PERNICUS

No, actually, this play really has no meaning. It's about absolutely nothing. Of course, that doesn't stop people from trying to derive meanings from it...

LAURIE

So it means nothing, but there can't be just two hundred pages of pure blank... What's the setting?

PERNICUS

Hard to say. It's basically just two guys who are waiting for something, or someone. You never actually find out why, or if he ever comes.

OLAF

Sounds like us...

MARIANA

But we know who we're waiting for.

LAURIE

And why.

JACQUE

(Stops struggling with the box. Eventually settles to just let his head sit in the box.)

We do?

MARIANA

Jacque, were you drinking again last night?

JACQUE

Are the L-Trainsh effishient?

PERNICUS

No... They're always late and are behind schedule. Not to mention they break every health code in the book...

OLAF

Good one Jacque. There's your answer Mariana.

JACQUE

That shtill doeshn't ansher my queshtion.

LAURIE

We're waiting for our script.

PERNICUS

Who's writing it again?

LAURIE

Duane Cartier, I think is his name.

JACQUE

Why are we waiting for a shcript again?

MARIANA

Because we're actors Jacque.

OLAF
The acting troupe you signed up for? Remember?

PERNICUS

Ah yes, back when we were worthy of the title of troupe...

OLAF

What did we call ourselves again?

JACQUE

The Kingsh Men.

LAURIE

That's right...

(They all collectively sigh.)

MARIANA

Where are the others? We always meet at eleven, don't we?

LAURIE

I thought it was ten.

OLAF

I wouldn't know, it was my turn last night. I lost track of time after about three in the morning when Crazy Boz finally got kicked out of Morton's. She was pretty wasted. I'm surprised you guys didn't find her dead in gutter when you came in.

PERNICUS

No, she was still breathing when I passed her.

JACQUE

Me too.

MARIANA

I guess it's a bit late to ask this, but he didn't come with the script, did he?

OLAF

Of course not dearie. That would have been the first thing I said when you walked in.

MARIANA

(Is a little frustrated. Stands up, agitated.)

I didn't get the chance to eat breakfast, mind if I run down to the diner and grab a little something to eat?

OLAF

You know that you're always free to do as you please.

JACQUE

Don't go ter Vito'sh, it'sh fish n' chipsh day. I hear it'sh sho rank, even the shlummers won't touch them.

LAURIE

Aren't you a slummer Jacque?

JACQUE

Naw, I'm shophishticated. I's got classh. I'mma high classh bum.

LAURIE

Ah.

MARIANA

(Chuckles.)

Thanks Jacque. I'm going to hit up Dion's then.

(Exits.)

OLAF

Where on earth are the others?

PERNICUS

(Pulls out his book and proceeds to read.)

Probably held up at the subway station, as usual.

LAURIE

I'm not so sure. Maybe they got arrested for drunken debauchery.

JACQUE

Dey ain't gotsh der money to get drunk enough for debaushery.

OLAF

He has a point.

JACQUE

Dey's lucky if'n dey can afford to get here.

LAURIE

Except for maybe Reggie...

JACQUE

Yeah, but he'sh alwaysh wif de sluts.

OLAF

You really are sober Jacque.

JACQUE

I toldsh you.

PERNICUS

(Frustrated, stands up and slams his book shut.)

Must you insist on the lisp Jacque?

JACQUE

(Suddenly speaks with a french accent.)

I'm sorry Perny, was I bothering you?

PERNICUS

You do it everyday when we all know you don't talk like that, even when you're drunk!

OLAF

Pernicus, what's gotten into you?

PERNICUS

I'm going outside for some air...

(Exits.)

OLAF

Gosh, I wonder what's gotten into him?

LAURIE

Scriptitis.

JACQUE

Perfectly understandable.

OLAF

Ah yes... the lack of written direction is driving him crazy. Poor guy.

LAURIE

So really Jacque, what's with the lisp? I've wondered, but I've never asked.

JACQUE

(Shrugs.)

I don't know. I guess I figured as long as I'm living like a hobo, I might as well sound like one too.

OLAF

Actor's instinct?

JACQUE

Yeah, I guess you could call it that.

LAURIE

And now the French accent?

JACQUE

(Now has a normal, clear, American voice.)

It's the name. 'Jacque' just has certain pretenses that are rather difficult to get through. Red tape and other such things that just can't be surpassed.

LAURIE

It's good to see you smile again though. Ever since May left you...

OLAF

(Looks at his watchless wrist.)

Isn't it a bit early in the afternoon to be bringing this up?

JACQUE

Enough!

LAURIE

My point is, you haven't smiled.

JACQUE

Would you?

OLAF

Yes. But that's only because I'm an-

REGGIE

An actor, we all know that by now Olaf.

(Enters from right. He is handsome, clean shaven, and dressed in dirty work clothes.)

Well strike me dead if I've ever seen a more sorry bunch. Where are the others?

LAURIE

Hell if I know.

JACQUE

I thought we had decided they were dead?

OLAF

No, that was Crazy Boz.

JACQUE

Oh yeah.

(Looks up at Reggie.)

Hey, how was work?

REGGIE

(Sits down on the orange plastic chair.)

Strike me dead if it wasn't the longest night I've ever seen. We had three of the steel reinforcements bite the dust in that storm, and if we hadn't gotten there when we did, the building was likely to collapse.

LAURIE

Well that would have proved to be...

(Pauses, as if searching for the word)

JACQUE

Problematic?

OLAF

Complicating?

REGGIE

Hellacious?

PERNICUS

(Enters from left)

Are you guys playing the word game without me?

REGGIE

Well strike me dead if you aren't the ugliest bookworm I've ever beheld!

OLAF LAURIE JACQUE

(All groan.)

PERNICUS

(Sits down on his stone bench.)

Dear God, he's at it again.

LAURIE

Someone stop him...

OLAF

Reggie, we'ere proud of you for actually reading something...

JACQUE

Considering I thought you were illiterate...

REGGIE

Well strike me dead if that wasn't rude!

LAURIE

Reggie! Shut the hell up!

REGGIE

Well strike me dea-

JACQUE

(Lunges out and kicks Reggie's knee.)

LAURIE

(Grins.)

Nice shot...

REGGIE

What is this, pick on Reggie Day?

JACQUE

Why pick when we can insult?

LAURIE

Reggie wouldn't know an insult if it was shoving rocks up his nostrails while dancing naked on his desk.

REGGIE

I have a desk?

JACQUE

It's a metaphor.

REGGIE

Oh.

PERNICUS

The only thing he'd really be noticing was the blatent nudity of said insult.

REGGIE

Are you guys talking about me again as if I'm not here?

OLAF

Did you say something?

REGGIE

(Stands up, angry and misunderstanding the joke.)

You know, I come in here, trying to support you and help you out, and hoping that maybe something will have changed, but it hasn't! You're all still the same damn cynics!

OLAF

(Standing up, a smile on his face, he places a placating hand on Reggie's huge muscled shoulder.)

Friend, I sometimes wonder if all those late nights have rattled your brains. Sit, please. We were merely joking.

PERNICUS

My deepest apologies if you've taken offense to our colloquy...

REGGIE

(Sits back down and scratches his head in puzzlement.)

Koala what?

PERNICUS

Colloquy.

LAURIE

Clarify, please.

JACQUE

What does it matter? It's some fancy word for conversation.

REGGIE

Really?

PERNICUS

(Is a little surprised.)

Yeah, actually... How did you know that Jacque?

JACQUE

Why are you so surprised Perny? Think that just because you spend your life in the library as a complete anti-social no one else has the right to an education?

PERNICUS

Jacque, you know damn well I don't thi-

LAURIE

(Her watch goes off.)

Damn, I'm late for my meeting. I'll be back by five.

(Stands and heads towards the exit, specifically not looking them in the eyes.)

REGGIE

Be safe!

(Waves after her. She waves her arm dismissively and exits.)

She's a wonderful woman. Why isn't she taken?

JACQUE

(Snorts from his box.)

Yes you do Jacque. And it's because she's a lesbian.

REGGIE

(Gets all wide-eyed.)

Really?

PERNICUS

God no! Jacque, what kinds of ideas are you placing in his head?

JACQUE

Don't tell me you haven't thought it too! Her hair is short cut in a very butch style, she's attractive yet single, she's in business, and always in those damn suits. You've thought it! You can't tell me you hav-

OLAF

(As if coming out of a cloud of pensiveness.)

Enough!

PERNICUS

Olaf?

OLAF

(Pause.)