When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

Hey there everyone, welcome to my first blog entry. I need a place to vent, and I guess this has become it.

Welcome to my anguish.

I'm just going to jump into my life, I don't want to waste time or anything sitting here trying to catch everyone up on my life.

Last night was a Young Women's certification sleep over at Sister Boyer's house. I am the only Miamaid in my whole ward, ergo, I was the oldest one there. All of my beehives were there... and to make a long story short, some of the girls got really immature, got mad, and all hell broke loose. At two in the morning too. I was in the guest bedroom trying my hardest to comfort poor Rachel, my baybee beehive. Poor thing was crying her eyes out and I was doing everything to try and make her feel better. Dumb hormones... if they could just learn to keep a reign on them of some sort... Anyways, so suddenly Amanda bursts in, "Tori's walking home!" It's now three in the morning, and I leave a crying beehive to chase down a suicidle raging hormone. So I tear out of the house while my mom gets the car to come after us. I finally catch her and beg her to come back, to please just come back, that I swear things will get better and that things'll work out. My mom pulls up and rolls down her window. "Get in the car, now Tori." Tori kept walking and I kept talking, trying to get her to go back to the house where I knew she would be safe. "Please Tori, just come back, we'll sort this out in the morn-" "TORI! YOU GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR, NOW! OR I WILL CALL YOUR MOTHER!"

By this time, I was on a short enough temper due to the fact that I was lacking sleep beyond all else, Amanda and Tiffany were about to get my fist in their face, and I was already having a hard time with my mother. I whipped around, and screamed in my mom's face, "F*** OFF!" She clambered out of the car, and smacked me upside the head. Repetitively. Even when I cried and cradled my head in my arms, she kept hitting, in front of Tori. "Don't you EVER say that to me you ungrateful little B****!" Needless to say she got back in the car and screeched off. I picked myself off, wiped my bloody nose off on my sleeve, and looked at Tori. "Will you come back now?" We walked back to Kris's house, and was sent home. I got kicked out of my Young Women's certification party because I was trying to help Tori.

Well, mom took me home, and I was crying the whole way. When I had went back in to get my stuff, Rachel cired and clung on to me, begging me not to leave. What could I tell her? What could I do?

When we got back inside I was furious. [Edit: not true. My mother never took pills. I was just trying to be more dramatic.And I was young. Laugh at me, I allow you to.] I can't do this anymore! I CAN'T BE BOTH THE HUSBAND AND THE DAUGHTER! I WILL NOT RAISE HER ANYMORE!!!!!!

Please... if anyone can hear me... Liberate me from my anguish...