When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

Broke my promise to you time and time again, and there's no point in trying anymore. Hello snow, be pure because I cannot be. Represent my failure to everyone I've ever met and thank you, thank you for being chilled. It makes the bleeding stop sooner than anticipated and it makes them sting all the more. Getting playfully punched on the shoulder and I can't help but smile my sick, twisted cock-eyed grin as I wince in pain.

Here to retaliate to the unbridled happiness I felt for that short span of time is the unwieldy anger and jaded-ness I work so hard to dispel but every night I pull the wool off from over my own eyes and see the world and myself for what I really am.

Stop asking me if I'm okay.

I'm not.

And to be frank, I don't believe you care.

So just stop asking me.

Sunlight sunlight sunlight I wish you could be my moral compass because there's so much of you and so little of me and fill me up, please let me have that glimpse of what could be and what the world holds?

Here I am, all over again, the Mad Hatter eating my shoe and looking foolish because I'm just the world's biggest joke, the world's best and most entertaining act; Alisa: The world's most entertaining human! Come see the show at the carnival in Wonderland the Cheshire Cat will be selling tickets and for an extra fee enjoy the tea that the mouse has prepared for you and your soulmate. Just a few words is all it takes to set this act in motion; a simple, "I think you're cute" and she'll be off in the rafters, on such a flight the likes of which you've never seen before and believe me, it's a sight worth seeing and then going home to your warm bed with your warm lover and their warm touch and warm embrace ever so warm and enjoy it, be grateful for it because there is no sunlight in Wonderland; there is no sunlight six feet under.

Alice Alice I'm calling out and asking for you to come back but again, just a shadow and my wild-eyed stare frightens away whatever it was to begin with and then I'm alone again, dank walls that smell like dirt and wild roots like stray hairs sticking out from the walls to tickle my arms and to catch on my shirt and smear me with the sins of yesterday.

Finish my tears and wind my way down the dark tunnel, smaller and smaller and smaller until it's so narrow it's wrapped around my neck like my noose until suddenly I'm out, back into my delusion and away from the rabbit hole because there's no point in trying to live in the real world, nothing but darkness up there anyways. Nothing but what's real, and what hurts. Nothing hurts down here. No pain. Walk back to my throne of lies and cherrywood and sit, take the hand of the dead corpse that wears my crown and my lover's face and frown in distate at the state of things here. My dreams are shattered, when did I break those? Time to repair them, put them back together and watch the real world pass me by until my next dose of Nyquil when I can be back here without interruption.

Hello darkness, my old friend.

I don't mind keeping you company. Because that means that you're not keeping someone else I care about company, and that's just fine by me.

Mmm. I love depression.

It's what I've known my whole life.