No amount of good intentions will ever be able to salve the wound you have created.

You know who you are. You know what you've done. I doubt you'll ever read this, because knowing you, you don't read much of anything any more, you work far too much. Ah well.

I just don't understand how you could do this to me... how everything could happen like this... You're the one I usually run to when things like this happen. I usually run to you, into your waiting arms, so you can comfort me and whisper logic into my ears to soothe my rage, terror, or sorrow. Who can I run to now that your wings are no longer there to shelter me? I just don't understand...

I feel like I'm breaking my back for nothing. This religion... it's driving me mad... it's failing... I'm working so hard to keep it alive, trying to hard to keep my faith from flickering out, but what am I supposed to do when I am the only active young woman in my whole ward? It's like everything is slipping through my fingers, as if someone is prying them apart to let the sand sift through. The harder I grip the faster they fall. I'm so lost now... You were the one who always kept me alive, the one who told me what was going on, that everything was going to be ok... I'm losing everything... everything... My hope, my dream, my faith, my self control, my respect, my love, my life... everything is spinning downwards, and as I jump to try to save it, my wings are ripped from me. So now, I can no longer fly, only fall with it all... I suppose I am just white trash... useless... unlovable... there is nothing more I can do with this life... This life. There it goes again, my religion seeping into every single thing I do. It's taken over my life, and soon, I hope, will be the cause of my death.

Aucun bon contrat ne va sans punition...

καμία καλή πράξη δεν πηγαίνει ατιμώρητη...

никакой хороший документ не идет без наказани...

No matter how you say it... No good deed goes unpunished. I guess it's true. What's the point of being good? It's gotten me nowhere. I had more chances at life when I was being a hellian. This light that was warming me, washing over in a soothing way has suddenly become chilled, distant, and this light is no longer the friend that it was.

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen...