When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

You'd think I'd be much more excited that's schools out, but I'm not. Due to many things actually...

I went and saw the doctor yesterday about my hips. He's going to keep having me do stretches and adjustments, but if that doesn't help... it's to the x-ray machine I go, and from there, most likely the operation table. Apparently I'm the worst case of hip alignment he's ever seen under twenty. At least that's kind of cool... However, he did recomend that I stop doing so much physical activities, and no more running for the rest of the summer. There went color gaurd. Not that I could afford it anymore, or handle it. I'm such a failure...

I don't understand. Me and my mom pay our tithing, we go to church, we do everything we can for our stake, and yet... nothing. We just lost three deals in two days. And neither of us can do anything but sit there and watch because it has nothing to do with our parts. I don't get it... So I decided to stop color gaurd. Health has never stopped me from doing something, so that's not really a factor, more of an excuse. The real reason, is so that I can give my hours to my jobs, make money, and support my mom. Poor thing... I know me and her get into huge fights, and just [Edit: Again, not true. That never happened. I'm just a sociopathic liar. Or at least, I used to be.] I still love her. Somethings wrong with her, and she's too blind to see it. So I guess I'll just put up with it, considering her failing health... [Edit: Again, a lie.] *sighs*

Another day, another year older... By the time I'm a senior in highschool, I'll feel like a senior citizen at the rate that I'm growing up at right now... I just don't understand...

Not only that, but I'm still looking for other jobs, so if anyone knows of any, let me know. I need the money. I need to take mom to the chiropractor, and then to the doctor, to make sure her health is ok... even though I know it's not. I also need to help come up with money for June's rent. It'll be late, but it'll get paid. Anyways...

I work again today at the new north orem store, from four to close. Hope I don't pass out like I did on thursday...

Anyways, I'll leave you guys alone, so that I don't depress myself or you guys anymore than I already have...