When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

It's the intricate lie building everything else on top of itself and I know you don't believe me when I say I'm wonderful and I'm glad, I'm glad you don't believe me because that means you know me well enough to know when I'm lying, trying to hide myself from the universe in all of the intricate galaxies of my mentalities, and I can't seem to stay in one state of mind with it all behind me or at least I'm trying.

At least I'm trying.

Soul stitches severed from every human being I've ever known except for the ones who have never hurt me, and I'll always pick drinking with my friends over being heartbroken because of your liposuctioned words, so carefully laced with all the eggshells you didn't break trying to keep me in one piece when all I wanted was to be shattered once and for and for good and I don't care that I'm heartbroken because of you, what I care about is that I care so much about you.

The worst part about all of this, is you'll never read these words I pour into the atmosphere, philosophizing and giving you all of myself in as many fragmented sentences strung together to create something tragically beautiful, so serious so serious so we're not a comedy, but you're not here to watch me perform to the slow beat of the people passing me by as I stand quiet and poised on the street corner of WhereAreYou and HowLongWillThisLast the world made of so many shades of gray and it's all ash, it's all ash being muddled and ruined in the rain pattering across the valley of my mind. So quiet, the teacher hands me a shovel and tells me to dig, that's it's the only way I'll find peace is to bury myself alive in search of Wonderland six feet below the ground.

Is anyone watching the slow self-destruction of this human being so congruent to the intricacies of the threadwork holding me here...? Am I just a spectacle, truly alone and unknowing, so ignorant in my defense against my own feelings because who better to wage warfare on me but myself?

Who better to wage warfare on me but myself...

Such thorough destruction, I've covered all my bases, and candy-apple eyes, you win. I quit. I don't want to play anymore. I really am going to disappear for a little while, and unless you are within the circle of my boys (you know who you are) don't expect to hear from me for a while.

I'm going to let my mind sleep for a little while.