When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

Good Morning Self.

You quit your job today. You have your recital on Monday. You're terrified to sing in front of people. It'll be the first time you'll be on stage in years. To be in the spotlight again. You missed it terribly.

You played bass again with Justin and Matt and the gang. It was fantastic. You messed yourself many times. It's interesting, but music is far better than sex, or at least, I'm assuming. Music doesn't hurt, doesn't leave you bereft like an irrational lover. Music will take you, make you it's own, and then it will keep you. Yes, it will pass you on to others like itself, but you are still with it. All of it, in some way, is connected. To struggle would only be useless and fruitless. Let it take you. Embrace it.

You love the bass, dear self. You adore it. So tremulous in it's words and so hesitant in it's touch. But strong, firm, underlying. You love your bass. You love a cold, unfeeling object, but it loves you back. It caresses your mind and your soul.

Be in love. Enjoy it. You may never get this chance again.

~Alisa

PS: Let us play the game of life, and sing a song of days gone by. You will win and I will lose, but only because I took out life insurance and killed myself, so you could have money and be secure and travel all you wanted. And in the end, is that really losing?