When There's So Much Light, Why Do I Feel So Dark?

Well, I got back from my Leadership conference in Vegas Sunday night. I haven't blogged about it because of the sheer fact that I'm still not off my high yet. Regardless, about my last entry... I certainly owe some people apologies. Huge apologies. Hug worthy apologies. I really did want to die, but that's just because I was weak. We all have our weak moments. Regardless, I'm so sorry that I posted that up here to worry everyone. I'm sorry George, that there's something there and we're both too afraid to really do anything about it. I'm sorry Peter because I know this hurts you, but... sometimes we women suck. And I hate it too. I'm not a mean girl, I'm just a hormonal girl in general. Pete, I do care about you, but sometimes we each need different things. And George... You know my standards. You know I won't bend them. I won't have a boyfriend until I'm eighteen and out of highschool. I'll be happy to let you pay to take me places-er, I mean, take me on dates... Chrissy, I am sorry I haven't been the best person when it comes to friendships lately. I suck at this whole, being human kind of thing. Give a little get a little. But I learned to give, so that should be better. Ari, I'm sorry that you're going through hell right now, and that I can do nothing about it. I am here for you though. I really really am. You're in my prayers, whether you want to be there or not.

And Joshy... I think above all the others I owe you a very special apology. I feel horrible. It's almost like once the novelty of finding you wore off, I dropped you. Because I'm a jerk. A big fat headed jerk. And I want to fix that. You're a great guy, and I still want to be friends. You just... We have different opinions, and that's quite apparent. I like to live life rough, to live it exciting. "If you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space." I like my life to be filled with contreversy and troubles. I'm not the typical LDS girl. Which would explain why you're parents don't exactly like me. And that's okay. Because I like myself. Heck, I love myself. Yes, I admit, there are certain things that I could do better, and will do better, but when it comes to religion, I say take it as it comes. I'll go to church, but that doesn't mean I'll believe. I may never believe. But I'm not too worried about the after life. I'm just going to do my best to be a good person in this world of bad. Maybe you know what I mean. I just want to apologize, because I'm not who you thought I was going to be, or who you thought I was at all. I have a tendancy to do that, to make people think I'm one thing when I'm really not that at all. I hope I get the chance to show you who I really am. And if you don't accept, then that's fine too. I do want to see where you're going with your life, regardless. Anyways... What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry for wearing a mask when I was with you. I'll fix that.

There, I'll give you guys an AWESOME update on my JFDI conference. AWESOME!